The Under Rated Stay at Home Mum

Before kids, I never really thought too much about what the dynamic would be between myself and my partner. I have always been a self employed photographer who worked from home so I just assumed I’d be able to juggle that beside motherhood. Oh boy how naïve of me!

I am so lucky to be in a position where I have been able to stay at home with my babies and not go back to an office the moment they hit 6 months (like my mum had to) or a year (the common age these days). Even in my moments of despair after cleaning the same room for the 100th time and it’s not even midday or after tolerating my toddlers tantrum after serving her apparently offensive cucumber for lunch, I do remind myself that I am lucky to be in this position. 

But on the flip side I fantasise about having a career, a purpose beyond raising babies. I have always tried to juggle my photography with this new lifestyle but it’s always proved more difficult than I had anticipated.

Working from home sometimes means people don’t respect that you need a bit of quiet time to work. So when I’m trying to edit images or market my company, I’m also watching my crawling baby try to eat every toy she finds on the floor. It’s a headache. 

And after cooking, cleaning, tidying (to no avail) and parenting two babies (with sleepless nights inbetween) I have hardly any energy to fuel my tired mind. Suddenly I can’t remember how to spell the simplest of words and find myself feeling dizzy with exhaustion at the end of the day. I’ve never been so close to fainting, motherhood has really revealed to me what true exhaustion is. 

But the most frustrating thing I’ve had to figure out is when do I get a break? Do I never get a break? Does anyone respect that stay at home mums do need a break?

I am literally with my babies 24.7 throughout the day and night, breastfeeding, never really sleeping and always on the brink of a breakdown. I don’t mean bugger off on a girls holiday for a weekend. I mean when do I get to sleep for more than 5 hours a night? When do I get to focus on what I’d like to do in the day? 

‘I’ve been at work I need a break,'

'I’ve been at work I need a lay in’ 

are a completely acceptable things to say and understandable. But when a stay at home mum repeats the same statements, we are met with objections. 

Motherhood requires so so so much patience, empathy, energy and physical work. There’s no praise or pay at the end of the month but more than often just criticism and lack of understanding.

There is only so much a partner can do to help once they are home from work. But that’s the other issue… should they help with their kids or are they entitled to an old fashioned rest? Luckily for me James has been a modern man and a hands on dad who saves me at the end of the day when I’m reaching the end of my tether. But even though it is our relationship, our family unit, our rules, our home - it hasn’t stopped outsiders negative opinions chipping away at my tired soul. 

 ‘I need to do more’ is a thought that plagues me when I’m so tired I feel sick.  Why in this day and age am I questioning if James is happy with the way the house looks when he comes home from work? Why am I apologising for the mess his children have made because they’re playing with their toys in the lounge? Most of the time he doesn’t care at all and that’s the only thing that matters. We are a team who work with each other but I still let outsiders make me feel like I’m doing it wrong.

Like anyone, I think it’s a lovely thing to have a some what tidy home but that is also some what impossible when you prioritise your children's needs and building a business over keeping the house in pristine condition.

It’s so easy to revert to the 1950s when you’re in the position of one parent raising the kids and the other being the breadwinner. But that sexist barrier takes so much away from a mother and fathers relationship with their children. If the father is never hands on, they lose out on that caregiving bond with their babies and if the mother is always forced to be the caregiver, she is lost in a shroud of exhaustion never able to truly appreciate those precious moments she has with her babies.

Stay at home mums are underrated because although it doesn’t look like much from the outside, behind closed doors we are doing 10k steps a day without even leaving the home. So let’s not inadvertently  compare stay at home mums to 50s housewives. Women deserve more than just worrying about how the house looks when their partner gets home at the end of the day. We live in a time of equal status. I dream of being able act on my ambition and exercise my creativity because that is what my soul needs to do to thrive in this world. I am so grateful and love being a full time mother but I am more than just a housewife. 

The show home can wait until I can afford a house keeper.

A Baby's Routine

 As a second time mum, this time around I feel a lot more laid back. I look back at raising my first and the worries that plagued my every day decisions. Am I doing this right? What is everyone else doing? What is the advice?  This time around I realise that none of that really matters as long as you're always caring for your baby and being safe. Do not over think the little things.

One topic I see posted a lot in new mum groups is 'What's your baby's routine? When do they sleep? How long do they sleep for? How many naps?' 

Health visitors drill into you that routine is everything and it is after a certain point. But when they're babies, does it really matter if they're napping at the same time every day and in their own space (cot, moses basket etc). From my experience it doesn't.

My first baby was a needy little thing, the only way she napped was on me no matter how often we tried to put her down for a nap. So I accepted that this was her, this was her nature, being alone was her fear and I understood that because as a child I hated sleeping alone too and I still remember that feeling. So she napped on me whenever she wanted to and as she got older she either napped in her pushchair or in our bed as I lie next to her until she closed her eyes. She went to bed when we went to bed around 10pm and I remember feeling guilty that she was going to bed so late when other babies were in bed by 7pm. But in truth she was sleeping on me from around that time and then put into our bed when we went to bed (fed to sleep if she woke up). Up until she was about 21 months our routine was very flexible. Especially the first year when they are constantly napping and waking and napping and waking. I didn't time her naps or count them. But then I started to notice a pattern develop. 

As she got older she slept in the morning and then in the afternoon around the same time. Her body had naturally developed a routine. So I went with that. As she got older and grew in to a toddler we started to put her to bed at 7.30 in her own bed as she was more capable of understanding the process and comfortable being a little bit more independent. She was 21 months when we began a bed time routine.

With my second I ignore all suggestions of a routine. She is bathed every 2 days and washed on the days in between. She naps whenever she naturally falls to sleep and she stays with me until I go to bed. Bottle, Bath, Bed didn't work for us until my first was a toddler so I will continue to follow my babies lead just as I did with my first.

Everyone parents differently and every child is different. Not every child is needy and not every child suits going to bed alone. Follow your own mothers instinct despite clinical advice coming from a disconnected society. Go back to the basics, feel that primal instinct within you. Mothers having been raising little humans for thousands of years. We know what is best for our babies so trust yourself and try not to compare yourself to others.

Potty Training a Toddler before 2

 I've neglected my blog but I have so much to write about now Isla is 2 and I have a new baby who's 6 weeks old so I am reliving all of the hard baby stages again.

One thing that is fresh on my mind is the battle of potty training. I was absolutely dreading the day because I didn't understand how my baby (then 21 months) who only knew being in a nappy and weeing when she liked, would suddenly understand that she couldn't do that anymore. All without language and her fully understanding what words even meant. The idea was a massive headache and I would have put it off for longer if I hadn't been pregnant with baby no2. We were in lockdown so James was home and we were forced to be indoors everyday so I thought it was a rare and perfect opportunity to start the process.

My mum had always drilled it into me that we were potty trained before we were 2 years old, so I knew it was possible and normal in our family to train them before they fully understood words etc.

We had a good starting point, Isla started to use the word pop pop and pointed to her nappy. That and wee wee. So we started off by putting her on her potty every hour or as regularly as we could and said wee wee. She didn't understand for what felt like an eternity and she would wet herself throughout the day but we placed her on her potty after an accident and said wee wee on potty. Repetition is key. I read you shouldn't tell them off while they're learning as you don't want to scare them. Better to ignore the accident and place them on the potty and just explain they need to wee on a potty. However once Isla knew what to do and went on the potty consistently then out of the blue had an accident, we did start to tell her off because it was pure laziness and she just enjoyed being naughty sometimes, so a bit of discipline worked for us.

We had many many many accidents, some more gag worthy than others but luckily her dad was home to help with all that :) We were  2 or 3 in and she was still having accidents but also a lot of successful moments. I felt like giving up when I would hear how other children took a few days or a week to train. I thought maybe she wasn't ready and a lot of people will say no she wasn't  but honestly I don't think a child is ever ready. My mum encouraged me to keep to it so I did because I didn't want to feel like a failure and also have to start this all over again and have a newborn to worry about too.

It took her around 4 weeks to go accident free. We would have to put her on the potty throughout the day rather than wait for her to tell us. But from 23 months she would tell us when she needed to go and we helped her on to the potty. Now she is 25 months she goes without us having to help her or ask. She has started playschool where there are proper little toilets they use and has started to ask for the big girl toilet so now she goes on a proper toilet with a little toddler seat all by herself. I was worried about the potty to toilet transition but naturally they want to copy what everyone else does so that was something I didn't have to force upon her. I have heard that children can struggle with no2s and potty training but Isla didn't have an issue, it was all the same for her. In fact she struggled to go in a nappy so it helped her constipation problem massively. At the risk of making you gag, she used to do little ones and often in a nappy because I suppose she could feel it and stopped but on a potty she fully emptied her bowels. Once they are out of nappies you feel such a relief for them, it must feel so much better.

My biggest advice to anyone who wants to potty train at any age, 

-Repetition is key and do not compare how long its taking to other children! They all learn in their own time and Isla took longer than most to learn but she got there and she was out of nappies before her second birthday which I a really proud of. 

-Take a potty with you wherever you go! We used a normal one in a plastic bag, she's used it whenever and wherever and she's never had an accident while out. 

-Puppy pads are good for protecting their carseats and pushchairs from potential accidents

-Get ready to go through a lot of little knickers or pants. For the first 2 weeks Isla just wore dresses with no undies, then we introduced underwear which she soiled ALOT. Underwear and socks got changed constantly.

Night training is another kettle of fish which I am happy to leave until she is older or until she refuses to wear a nappy but I am hoping to crack this before she is 3, if anyone has any night training advice I will be happy to hear it!

Good luck to all the babies who are about to be potty trained, once they are out of nappies they will never look back :) x

FEEL FABULOUS POST PARTUM

Following on from my Youtube video (below), I am linking a few dresses and styles I love the idea of post baby.

I am due at the beginning of August which is almost parallel to my first pregnancy with Isla. With my first pregnancy I found my maternity dresses didn't suit breastfeeding, I was either too covered up or the only 2 dresses I had were constantly in the wash. I felt hideous, I had to borrow clothes off of others because I had no floaty dresses and it was a very hot summer.

I was Ina dark place and didn't care what I looked like, I didn't want to go out and I felt like I had paused while the world was carrying on around me.

This time I want to be prepared for feeling like that again, I want to help myself and a big part of that revolves around looking and feeling good despite having a post partum body.

I have started collecting floaty summer dresses and thought it may be of use to share my finds with you :)

I have included a mixture of maxi dresses and beach dresses. Beach dresses are the prettiest and floatiest of them all. I plan to find a slip dress to wear underneath which will probably be a body con fit but you won't see my body outline too much as the floaty beach dress will cover me up.

All of these dresses look like they're breastfeeding friendly.

As it's not even really spring yet, there will be so many more dresses released nearer to summer so happy shopping!

How I became vegetarian after 23 years of eating meat and why I am raising my daughter as a veggie.

Most meat eaters can not imagine giving up eating meat, what do you eat when meat is such a staple in every meal? This is the question I wondered too before I turned veggie. I didn't fancy eating pulses and vegetables every day, I didn't want to cook from scratch every day and I would miss my favourite meals like beef stew and lasagne. But meat was beginning to repulse me, I was starting to leave the meat part on my plate, I was gagging at the sight of a tube and crunching on residue bones in mince. I hated seeing veins in cooked chicken let alone handle slimey raw meat. It was really starting to click that these animals once lived, those veins once pumped blood around their body like ours do. How did they die? and how long had their rotting bodies been in the shop for and in our fridge? It was a disgusting thought and very sad. So I took the leap and turned vegetarian. I did stumble a few times when out, it took a year to transition completely but I didn't pressurise myself and I think that is the biggest tip for anyone who wants to try. Don't label it, just try it, eating less meat is a positive start.

The best thing about turning vegetarian is you can still enjoy those meaty meals you love but without cooking dead bodies. I use Quorn or own brand meat free alternatives which is often soy based, and honestly most people can not tell the difference once everything is cooked and seasoned. The best part about it all is that I am helping the awful meat industry slowly diminish. They supply in demand and if the demand is going down person by person, the supply is effected meaning less animals are being force fed, bred and killed for meat. Another massive benefit is health. SO many people are told by doctors to reduce their intake of meat, so may people say they feel sluggish after eating meat. It's so nice to not have that problem at all but still enjoy my faux meat meals as if I were still a meat eater.
Here are a list of my go to meals for some insight/ inspiration:

- Lasagne with quorn mince using my own cheese sauce and tomato sauce made from tomato passata, garlic, onion and vegtable stock cube


- Quorn/ Tesco vegetarian chicken nuggets, chips and beans (that cosy,lazy meal most of us love)
The nuggets taste exactly like chicken nuggets - I like that Isla (my daughter) won't miss out on that kind of thing.

-Spaghetti Bolognese with quorn mince

-Beef stew and dumplings with veg, pearl barley, tin tomatoes, bisto gravy for sauce thickening and salt, veg stock cubes and quorn strips which have the same texture as a soft bit of beef.

- Sausage sandwiches/ as part of a fry up/ sausages and mash - I use quorn and Linca Mcartney sausages which are both delicious and have a meaty texture

-Burgers - Linda mcartney Burgers are the best in my opinion, meat eaters have commented on how they were actually nicer than beef burgers.

- Shepard's Pie with quorn mince

And I've even cooked a caribbean dish using quorn mince and curry spices with rice, jonny cakes and sweetcorn.

Honestly, being a vegetarian is SO easy. Easier than being a meat eater. There's no raw meat to handle, no scare of anything being under cooked and everything is frozen. This is a big reason as to why I am raising Isla as a vegetarian as well as for the health benefits which are extraordinary.  Plus I now see meat as perverse, I would hate for her to be conditioned to think it was a normal thing to consume meat like we all have, she can choose to eat it in the future but I will start her off as an empathetic vegetarian who knows what meat is before she chooses that path.

Why don't you try subbing meat in a couple of meals a week ?:)

Robyn x

5 Things I couldn't Live without at Newborn Stage

Newborn days are an absolute blur.
I am so glad that we were over prepared and had all the equipment we needed without having to panic buy last minute because when I was struggling in the early days I had no inspiration to shop at all.
So here are a few things I found to be useful and would use again if I have another baby.

1. Chicco Next to me Crib and Chicco Light
These next to me beds are so perfect. I am a very anxious and paranoid person. I used to wake up randomly just to check if Isla was breathing ok (SIDS was constantly on my mind). With this crib I could see her as I lay there on my side, I didn't have to get up to check on her but she was also safe in her own space with no threat of me rolling on to her. As she got older and needier we started to co-sleep in my bed but while she was a fragile and an unaware newborn, I let her sleep in her own space as she didn't mind at all.
The light was also a big big plus because I relied on that soft night light to give me night vision when Isla insisted we get up every 3 hours. The light fixed on to the crib and was bright enough for me to see her and breastfeed her without fumbling in the dark but dim enough not to effect her Dad too much while he attempted to get some sleep.

2. Muslins
Wow I know they say you can never have enough muslins but we had about 20 and that still wasn't enough. I did have to buy more as Isla was a sicky baby (I blame greed), so we were getting through 5 a day. I also got some big bamboo muslins as a very light blanket while she slept. There were some nights were it stayed at 26+ degrees so a light muslin was all she needed. They are still handy now as they are so big so I continued to use them as summer blankets while she was in her pushchair.

3. Baby Massage
Baby massage really saved my mentality as a new mum and introduced me to my first mum friends who I hope to stay in contact with forever. I went to a free class (donation £2 a session), at my local childrens centre. Our teacher was so lovely, although too young to be my nan, she had that cosiness about her which I found really comforting. She provided tea and the most delicious cookies every time. In the early days, I was so mentally and physically drained, I had to force myself to leave the house and the only way I could do that is if I had a class to go to. Baby massage starts at 6weeks old so that was my very first class and a lovely soft introduction to the world of baby classes. Not only did it help me mentally, it helped Isla so so SO much. She was a very windy baby and before baby massage, the trapped air would have her crying relentlessly throughout the day and night. Once I was taught how to give her a proper colic/wind massage, the air came out like a deflating balloon. It also helps them go to the toilet which was also an issue with Isla. Baby massage helped me get rid of that horrible discomfort she was in and I am so grateful for being able to do that for her.

4. Baby Carrier
Before I had Isla, I used to go on daily dog walks with my mum and her dogs. Nature is my haven so it was an absolute must to work out a way where I could continue to join my mum on her dog walks which were usually off road and impossible for a buggy. My friend gave me her baby bjorn carrier which was an absolute blessing. Isla used to fall asleep in the carrier almost instantly and I could continue to walk like a normal person. I loved how she could remain close to me but still get some fresh air. As she got older I purchased the ERGO BABY 360 carrier which allowed me to turn her so she could face the front and see what was going on (around 6 months old).

5. Changing Table by Tutti Bambini
Having a C-Section made it harder for me to change her on the floor or even on my bed.
A changing table is at a perfect height where you don't have to bend down and strain your back to change them. Isla is 14 months and I still use the changing table. They can look like normal drawers once we are finished with the baby stage. But unlike normal drawers, they have a slight depth on top so the baby cant just roll off of the edge, although I would never ever let that even be an option.

I hope this has inspired your parent to be shopping list :)
Let me know if you have any questions! x

Society made me feel ashamed for Co-Sleeping with my baby

One thing that I wasn't prepared for about motherhood is feeling like I need to conform to how others think you should parent your own child. I just assumed I would naturally follow the general guidelines and be a 'normal' parent.

They say you should let your baby sleep in the same room as you for atleast 6 months and then you can try and move them to their own room. On the lead up to the 6 month mark,  I would look at my perfect little angel sleeping so soundly beside me and feel a deep sadness at the thought of her being all on her own in a cot that looked far too big and cold for her. I fought with the idea that she needs to learn to be on her own because isn't that the right thing to do?
Isn't that what everyone tells you to do?
But my natural instinct wouldn't let me rest when she was out of my sight.
The 6 month mark came and everyone asked me 'when is she going in her own room, are you trying it yet?' and I would squirm with embarrassment at my bad parenting and reply 'no not yet' - like I was somehow failing?

So she continued to sleep next to me and I continued to pamper to her every need through out the night. Blankets come off? No problem babykins I'll tuck you up again. Are you too hot? No problem I will swap your blanket for a thermal one. Are you panicking because you feel alone? Both me and your Daddy are right next to you. I loved how I could comfort her instantly. But with each passing month the comments continued. 'She really need her own space' Someone suggested. But with each passing month I was beginning to understand that actually there is no set way of you should do things. You should go with both your baby and your own natural instinct.
Were babies really left in a different nook of the cave back in the first days of human civilisation? Probably not! We are so quick to dismiss our natural and most basic instincts which is wrong for both mother and child.
Every baby is different and some babies genuinely do want their own space but Isla wasn't that baby. She panics when she feels alone, she opens her eyes to see if we are  next to her and then falls back to sleep, she wriggles in discomfort until you touch her. So now instead of feeling embarrassed that I haven't followed the usual regime, I'm proud that I did what was best for MY baby.

Yes that makes my life a bit more difficult. I do have to go to bed when she goes to bed and she only naps in her pushchair when you rock her in the day. But thats OK because it won't be forever. She will only be a baby for a short amount of time so in that time I want to reassure her and go with what SHE wants rather than try to fit her in the same box as what a baby should want and need.

I feel like people don't understand when I say I can't have a late night out. When I have to leave social situations a little earlier than everyone else I feel embarrassed and rude or like I'm making an excuse because aren't 1 year olds supposed to be in their own bed by now?
'Can't you get someone to look after her overnight?
'My parents look after my baby over night, why can't yours?'
Not that anyone says those things but I know they are thinking it, especially the ones without children.
I watched 'The Let Down' on netflix the other day that follows their 1 year olds and one mum said 'She isn't ready to stay anywhere over night yet' and it just resonated with me. She isn't ready.

Isla isn't ready for me to just leave her and nothing on this earth is more important than my baby. I would sacrifice everything for her. SO although I am cringing at the thought of my future social plans and having to leave abruptly early, I am aligning my priorities and putting people pleasing aside,  I feel that has to be done ALOT in motherhood.

Why I Decided to Breastfeed After Being Against It

Before I had a child, before I even got pregnant - the thought of breastfeeding cringed me out. I hate how society have twisted our most basic nature by sexualising breasts which were solely designed to keep babies alive and have smothered our instincts so when we see a woman breastfeeding we cringe and look away instead of thinking awww how lovely, what a lovely thing.
I fell in to the bracket of OMG look away she's breastfeeding! I've never been against other people doing it but I have been embarrassed if I've seen somebody do it and I hate that.

During my hypnobirthing course, we went over everything from diet while pregnant to breastfeeding when the baby is here. The way Karen at Babies in Waiting talked about feeding made it seem so special, like it was an honour to feed your child, an amazing bond that only you could ever experience and I fell in love with the idea. I was absolutely amazed to learn of all the benefits it would give my baby girl. How if she was ever ill my body would produce antibodies to help her recover quicker or sometimes prevent an illness entirely while formula can only feed your baby (packed with vitamins but not antibodies).  I also knew I would definitely give it a go because 1. My Mum is a big pro breast feeder so I had her support and 2. I am mostly dairy free and do not believe in humans drinking cows milk as like us, their milk is solely designed to feed THEIR offspring. So to give a tiny human milk powder made from milk which is supposed to feed a calf put me off of the idea.

HOWEVER.

While I was in hospital Isla kept crying to the point of midwives coming in to check on us. If I knew then what I know now I wouldn't have been worried as newborns cry all the time, it's normal especially when you're waiting for your milk to come in. It's a whole process which isn't easy but its normal, it's nature. Their cry does something to our bodies, their constant suckling stimulated the milk. It all goes hand in hand. But the midwives insisted that Isla was hungry and that she needed a top up of formula. So I of course did whatever they told me to do. I felt so lost and so misguided. SO for the first few weeks of her life Isla had a bit of formula to top her up. What the midwives failed to tell me, which blows my mind, is that it's very important that the baby doesn't have any other milk as the more they suckle on you the sooner your milk comes in. If they are getting milk from another source your body thinks oh hey the baby isn't hungry anymore, we won't have to produce as much milk. Luckily I was able to give up the formula in the end after seeing a breastfeeding specialist who assured me that I definitely had enough milk to feed her.

I'm not going to lie, in the first few weeks I cried ALOT. I wanted to give up breastfeeding so badly. I couldn't go out because I had a baby attached to my boob 24/7. I was embarrassed when family members saw my boobs but I had to feed her and I knew I needed to get over this embarrassment.
But it did stop me from going to public places for a while. I fed in the car if we had to go out.

To get through it I set myself goals. I said 3 months, 3 months and I will give up because then at least she has had most of the benefits and she will no longer be a newborn. I was so convinced I would give up but when the time rolled around I had realised it had become a lot easier. So I said 6 months, I can do this for another few months so 6 months is the goal. Once again 6 months came and I wasn't ready to give up, the thought made me emotional. By this point I was feeding in public, discreetly and successfully so life was normal once again and I was still doing the best thing for my baby girl.  Now here we are at 11 months and my goal now is to get to 1 year. At a year she can drink Oat milk (recommended by doctors and approved by my heath visitor as a non dairy option). Isla is naturally weaning which is the best. I don't feel guilty because she's more interested in food now but it wouldn't surprise me if I'm still feeding her at night after a year because it's a big comfort to her.

I wanted to share my story with you because not everyone who breastfeeds found it easy and not everyone is a natural. I wasn't at all. Isla had tongue tie, I had anxiety & a bit of depression so it was a very rocky start for us but I promise it gets easier. It actually becomes more convenient than bottle feeding because you don't have to go downstairs and make bottles in the middle of the night, you don't have to sterilise and you never have to panic if you have forgotten the milk. Wherever you are, you will always be able to comfort, feed and hydrate your baby without packing a thing!

My Birth Story and How Hypnobirthing saved me (Hypnobirthing review)

So I finally have my baby girl with me, Isla Jane born 19th July at 5am! My birth did not go to plan, it could have been an awful experience, it certainly wasn't pleasant but it wasn't as horrific as it could have been thanks to hypnobirthing.

At around 30 weeks pregnant I began a hypnobirthing course with Karen at Babies in Waiting - Hockley. Hypnobirthing had always appealed to me because I am a spiritual person, I meditate and I believe in the law of attraction. Hypnobirthing revolves around training your subconscious through a form of meditation. It's about rewiring your brain to think of labour in a positive way.
In our four, two hour sessions we learnt about how relaxing and giving in to surges (contractions) would aid our labour and reduce pain significantly. We learnt how to not even think of labour as painful but rather a natural process our body goes through to give birth to a new life. If we feared it, we would intensify the experience. It all boiled down to the law of attraction. If we thought postively and trusted our bodies to do the right thing and trusted our babies to do what they needed to do we could have a natural, pain relief free birth experience.

The core belief of hypnobirthing is everything should be as natural as possible, your body will give birth when both you and your baby are ready. That meant no sweeps, no internal examinations and definitely NO INDUCTIONS. The aim was to have a low risk birth, having an induction means you are automatically high risk and subjected to countless internal examinations. Having examinations meant your body would tense up which in turn would slow down or stop your labour so this was something I definitely wanted to avoid.

Unfortunately I went overdue and at around 6 days over my due date I went in to hospital for reduced movements. Everything seemed to be fine but the doctors said they wanted to induce me in two days because I was already overdue and they were concerned about the reduced movements. I cried instantly. This was exactly NOT what I wanted, I was heartbroken and scared. At this point I was in slow labour and the heart monitor was picking up my contractions which were 10 minutes apart. I went home and prayed I would give birth naturally before Tuesday (my induction date). For the next two days my contractions intensified but were still irregular. They would keep me up at night despite only being 7 minutes apart. I rung the labour ward hoping I could go in but they told me I was just in early labour. After 2 days and 2 nights of contractions which lead nowhere and no sleep, I was exhausted and did the very thing I told myself I would never do. I went in to hospital for my induction.

By this point I was fed up and wanted my baby here. I really thought an induction would speed things up despite knowing how awful and unnatural they were. And so began the horrible internal examinations.
I was only 1cm dilated despite my intense pain and now almost regular contractions. So over the next 2 days,  they gave me both a pessary and then the gel to induce my labour. (They say inductions make contractions extra painful due to your body being forced to contract)

Throughout the experience I kept my hypnobirthing techniques at the forefront of my mind.
'Relaxing your muscles will help your baby move down towards the birth canal, work with your baby' I could here Karen's voice guiding me through the pain.
'Breathe in for 10 seconds and slowly release as you have a surge, ride it like a wave'.
I breathed deeply through the pain, I closed my eyes and I focused on my body working in harmony with my baby instead of focusing on my discomfort.
'Relax all of your senses, keep the lights dim, surround yourself with comforting smells and visualise your baby'.
I covered a towel with lavender oil and placed it across my closed eyes, the scent reminded me of times I have felt the most relaxed. I listened to my meditation playlist through earphones on my phone as I breathed through my contractions and visualised waves and my baby moving through my body, ready to make her debut.
It was so hot in the hospital, the hottest summer on record, so I had a handheld fan from amazon which was a god send. I held it to my face and breathed in the cool air. I knew I had to relax to speed things up, I closed myself off from the outside world while James sat by me every step of the way. Every now and then the midwives would come in to offer me pain relief (which I took) and check up on me. I heard a girl next to me scream hysterically in pain. She had been induced 20 minutes before I had, dread swept over me, I didn't want to be in the same boat as her.

'You are so calm, you're doing so well' the midwives told me over and over. All of the pain relief I recieved made me projectile vomit. I could see sympathy in the midwives eyes when I told her I couldn't have any more morphine because it made me too ill, I was managing the intense pain without any medical relief.

When I finally dilated to 4cm I got sent to the labour ward. I was so excited to get into my private room and create my peaceful environment (no more towel on my head to block out the harsh lighting). James and my mum unpacked my diffuser and essential oils and set it all up, we turned off the lights and played relaxing music through a speaker.
For hours i rocked on a ball, breathing through my contractions which were coming in thick and fast, one after another -back to back. I kept calm, I never screamed, I knew it would do no good. After a whole night in the labour ward, at around 3am they examined me again - I HADN'T DILATED! by this point I had been in hospital for two days and hadn't slept in four whole days, my body was tiring.
 'I can't wee' I cried out. I was in so much pain and now I couldn't even empty my bladder properly. I was beginning to lose my mind. The midwife had a word with the doctor and told me she would fit a catheter as they thought my bladder was blocking the way for my baby to descend, I felt like my body was giving up on me.

As each minute passed my contractions intensified, the pain was consuming me. After an hour of waiting to see if things progressed, they examined me again and told me their was still no change and they were now going to induce me again. And that's when I lost it.
'Please can I have a C section - I need a C section, I can't do this anymore, I've been in labour for four days, I can't do it, I'm exhausted, I can't physically do this anymore'
I never thought it would come to this, I never imagined I would end up having major surgery. I hadn't prepared myself for this but I could feel my body giving up on me and both my Mum and James were worried about me, we all agreed it would now be the best thing to do. SO off I went, as high as a kite (gas and air) to the alien biopsy like room ready to be cut open while I was wide awake.

By this point my contractions were back to back, the numbing injection they put into my spine felt like a warm blanket of comfort taking away all of the horrible pain I had been battling for 96 hours. The actual surgery felt like they were just prodding my stomach to see where they needed to make the incision. I hadn't realised they had cut me until they told me they were taking the baby out!
My doctor was amazing, she made me feel safe and she gave me the neatest scar my midwives had seen! At the end of my ordeal my midwife told my mum that she had never had anyone so calm before. I had been her calmest patient so far and she had been the third midwife to say that.

I am so proud of how I held it together and I am so grateful for my hypnobirthing experience with Karen. Her techniques and philosophy saved me mentally which ultimately helped me and my baby physically. Throughout my intense labour, my baby had never become distressed. Although I didn't have the ideal birth experience or the classic hypnobirth experience, I benefited from the course and relied on everything I had learnt to calm my usually anxious brain. It taught me to trust my body, to overcome fear with faith and self belief and to cope with the worst of situations for the sake of my baby. So many people around me kind of patronised me and said 'Shame hypnobirthing didn't work out for you' like they knew it was never going to work, like hypnobirthing was all a load of nonsense. But those people do not understand the depth of hypnobirthing. It worked for me in ways I can never fully explain. It really was my saviour and I would recommend it to every pregnant woman out there.

So to anyone practising hypnobirthing or who is interested in going down that route - Know that even if your birth becomes complicated - hypnobirthing calming techniques works in every situation.

Find more info on Karens course here: http://www.hypnobirthing-in-essex.co.uk/node/146/franchise
x

When to go to the Antenatal Ward

So the Antenatal Triage take you in after 17 weeks of pregnancy. So if you have any issues in regards to your pregnancy, you would go there for an emergency check. Anything minor they tell you to go to your doctors for, but I would always ring them for advice because it's hard to know what is classed as an emergency in pregnancy world.

One thing you hear over and over in pregnancy is to keep track of your babies movements and if they change or reduce, you should tell your midwife. Now I haven't had a community midwife this pregnancy because she has been on leave. So the number I have for her should basically be null and void. If I have had any worries I have rung the antenatal ward for advice, much to their displeasure.

I personally have been up the ward about four times during pregnancy. Three times were for reduced movements and one was for spotting. All times they have hooked the bump up to a heart monitor and have tested my urine (sent it off to the lab) as well as my blood pressure. So they check you more thoroughly than a community midwife or doctor would.

If hadn't gone up there those few times I wouldn't have known I had GBS in my urine which is linked to premature labour. When they find Group B strep in your urine (opposed to just a swab) they like to treat you with antibiotics instantly, I don't know the reasons why but it is obviously a threat to the baby if they feel the need to treat you on the spot. So they gave me antibiotics to take orally for a week. They found GBS in my urine twice, once at 28 weeks and again at 37 weeks but both times I went there for different reasons (nothing to do with Group B Strep). Doctors do not test for group b strep in urine unless you insist, so I felt like everything happened for a reason for me to go down there and have everything checked out because although my other issues were nothing in the end, I did need treatment for something I was unaware of.

Every time I rung them up I contemplated it for ages. 'Am I being a hypochondriac? Probably.' But I never wanted to risk my babies health because I felt a bit embarrassed or felt as though I was an inconvenience. I joined a lot of facebook groups for babies due around the same time as me and a lot of them said DO NOT overthink going in for a check, if you feel like something is off then you are probably right. Some even said they had spates of going in for checks daily. You should never feel like you're being a drama queen because what if your instinct is telling you something is off like it was for me.

So the bottom line is, don't panic throughout your pregnancy but if you do have random moments of feeling like something is off or not quite right, I would recommend calling the antenatal ward. No symptom or lack of movement is overlooked like it could possibly be by a GP. Your local doctors are not trained in pregnancy related issues. I have even had to explain to my GP that if Group B Strep is found in your urine you need antibiotics and NO it does not always flag up as a water infection. They can't seem to wrap their heads around it because generally GBS is not something that is diagnosed or treated for by default.  So I have insisted for swabs and samples to be sent off a couple of times because I am not risking anything!

P.S I recommend joining Facebook groups, even the American ones  - Mine are 'Babies Due in July 2018' I'm in about 5 different ones and they have really helped my mentality when I've had worries and questions.

Stupid things I've cried about in Pregnancy

You haven't experienced the true feeling of hormonal until you've been pregnant. I never really noticed a massive difference in  my mood until I found myself crying most days and thought hey this isn't normal. They say the first and last trimester are the worst for this and my god has this been true! During the first trimester I was an insecure mess, fast foward to this last trimester and i'm an angry bitch. I no longer feel insecure - i'm just fed up! So I thought it would be funny to reflect on the things that have angered me or upset me to tears which are actually quite ridiculous.

1. Dreams/ Fear your partner will cheat on you because you're a fat moody whale - The other night I dreamt my partner was cheating on me with a nightclub dancer called Sophie Dowell (yes I invented a full name and instagram profile in my dream). So in my dream I found out he was arranging to meet up with this Sophie and they were messaging over Instagram. I woke up FUMING, thinking it could be real. So I instantly IG searched Sophie Dowell because I obviously thought it was all a sign, and came up with nothing. The nightclub dancer doesn't exist but that didn't stop me from being suspicious and angry for a whole day, I maybe even shed a tear of frustration over a story I had created lol! I now make it a standing joke, if he's on his phone a lot i'm like 'Are you messaging Sophie?' haha.

2. Dreams, again. - I've never been one to sleep talk but during this pregnancy I have woken myself and my partner up by hysterically laughing. It starts off as a unconscious laugh then I become aware that i'm laughing and then I can't stop because I find it so funny that i'm laughing hysterically at nothing and then I start crying because I can't stop and realise i'm actually mental.

3. Situations that haven't happened and probably never will - So i'm an anxious freak, it's a joke how anxious I am. I'm always ready for the worst outcome. So naturally I have made up these horrible scenarios like visitors making my baby dangerously ill because they've visited her with a bug or my baby dying of SIDS because smokers have hugged her and ignored my pleas to keep their clothes smoke free. Or I've imagined that she's taken away from me/ me and my partner separate and she has a step mum and i'm pushed out. I'm not exaggerating when I say I have had full on panic attack crying moments, you know when you can't catch your breath/ make your face swell up, all from living out these scenarios in my head. I suppose it all comes from not feeling in control.

4. Feeling like a handmaid (Handmaids Tale) - Recently I watched the whole Handmaids tale box set and am now up to date with season 2. I'm so susceptible to the emotions and storylines in TV shows, I feel like I have lived their lives. So naturally, I have had moments where I've cried because I feel like a handmaid. 'Will this baby even be mine?'
'Will other people take over, will I even make my own parenting decisions?'
'Will my home and baby be taken over by unannounced or forced visitors?'
'Will I be respected as the mother of this child or am I just a vessel that's creating a baby for other peoples's happiness.' I am DRAMATIC. I cried in the car with my partner the other day and said things like 'She won't even be my baby, you could so easily force me out of the picture, we won't even have the same last name so she will be yours and your family's baby, i'm just the handmaiden'.  - how he puts up with my theatrics is beyond me.

5. Driving past anything that relates to animals - It all began with me driving past an animal rescue van going 50mph on a 60mph road. At first I thought FFS hurry up, then I saw the animal rescue sign and imagined all the little animals in the van and thought that's why they're driving slow and then I started balling! Now I cry if I see a horse in a field because I question their happiness (when they're most likely fine), and the other day I got upset over the thought of hamsters being disposable like they aren't respected as actual living things. They have to live in a small cage every day for the rest of their lives and I've heard of so many getting crushed because they've escaped or they've ended up in the washing machine and people don't seem to be horrified?! Oh god here I go again.

So that's a round up of random things that have made me cry during this pregnancy. I am actually mental.
Has anyone else been as mental as me during pregnancy?

-Robyn x

How I Relax During Pregnancy/ Imperial Candles Review

This last trimester - from about 35 weeks in particular, I have been so so angry! Everything angers me, I feel like the biggest brat in the world! Finding the right mind frame to relax is so challenging because once i'm in a mood, everything is shit (lol). One thing that does influence my state of mind a lot is smell. I recently got sent a candle made by Imperial Candles and my god, the smell of their products definitely lift my mood. I just love a good scent!

What I absolutely love about this brand is that their products are VEGAN. Not only are their candles made of Soy but none of their products are tested on animals which is bloody amazing. Another fun thing about their candles is that they insert a jewel in every candle, these jewels could be worth up to £2000! So it's like a lucky dip/ treasure hunt and relaxing candle in one. The whole jewel thing makes my inner child so happy, i'm so excited to find out what jewel I have! Go to their website to see what kind of jewels are inside their candles. I've seen some stunning rings!

So my particular candle is called Pink Flamingo. They describe the scent as exotic bamboo and energising grapefruit. Now i'm rubbish at describing scents but what I can tell you is that it smells like a lovely perfume, a classy smell which adds a pleasant atmosphere to the room rather than a tacky sweet smell.

They also do a range of other scent related products like Shower Jelly! I haven't tried it out yet but I have smelt it and it smells just as nice as the candle.

So to round up my review/ relaxing tips and tricks - I recommend filling your space with a good scent and focusing on an activity which calms your mind. For me that's watching a netflix series and being super lazy. Or I attempt a guided meditation, it depends how patient I feel.

Find my candle here: https://www.imperialcandles.co.uk/shop/pink-flamingo/
Also have a browse of their website because I found their products and ideas fascinating!

-Robyn x

Third Trimester Update & Workout Routine

My third trimester has actually felt easier than my second which makes no sense! But I do think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am remaining active and fit. Here are some things I've noticed this trimester (currently 33 weeks 2 days):

- I can still bend down and get things off of the floor easily (thanks to squatting)

-I can still pick up my forever growing German shepherd puppy

-I hardly ever experience back aches (only sometimes in the evening)

- I'm still going out for hour long dog walks with my mum and keeping up conversation (not too out of breathe)

- I can still put my own shoes on (lol)

_ can still shave my legs in the shower without feeling like i'm going to topple over

- Apart from my baby bump, I've only put noticeable weight on my legs. My whole body is a layer chubbier but not enough for me to notice or feel insecure about

- I'm still the same bra size - back & cup (where are my preggo boobs?)

The bad bits:

- I get cramp at night if i stretch out my legs too much

- I need to wee every half an hour, i'm not exaggerating

- I get tired even quicker

- My anxiety is picking up (because i'm not organised yet at all)

- Sometimes my stomach feels so stretched, it's uncomfortable and balloon like

Can I just add that I am by no means the type of person who is naturally slim. I have to constantly workout to remain in shape. I will never have a super small waist or skinny legs because I enjoy food too much. I workout to feel comfortable with my body and to keep my weight down, as soon as I stop I pile on weight like there's no tomorrow. So to keep to a comfortable weight, I have been working out 2-3 times a week every week. I have a swimming membership and aim for 35 lengths each time. But when I feel lazy I tend to just stick to YouTube home workouts which last for 20 minutes to half an hour and then I add on my own arm routine while I watch Homeland on Netflix. What i'm doing must be working because I'm eating like a horse and am remaining on OK size, plus all the people who examine my stomach have said I have really good ab muscles - one midwife asked if I was a dancer or horse rider! No, i'm just a YouTube worker outer, lol.

Working out has SO many benefits during pregnancy, here are a few:

- Thanks to your ab muscles - Labour may be easier/ faster!

- You lower your risk of Gestational Diabetes (I was told I had two factors that made me more at risk of getting this disorder so I really focused on reducing the risk)

-You're less likely to get backache (true in my case and I suffered with back ache pre pregnancy)

-You may boost your child's athletic potential

-You'll bounce back faster after birth ( this has been on my mind the whole time, I can't wait to wear my normal clothes again)

- You may sleep better (true in my case, when I took a weeks break I couldn't sleep at night)

There are loads more benefits for both you and your baby, have a google!

(source: https://www.fitpregnancy.com/exercise/prenatal-workouts/33-reasons-exercise-now)

Without further adieu here are my two GO TO WORKOUTS:

Team these with a few basic arm workouts with light weights & you have yourself a full body work out! 

Enjoy and remember to not over do it x

Group B Strep

This is going to be quite a deep post but I have always said I want to be open and honest on my blog and most importantly, raise awareness about any issues I encounter in hopes to help other people.

When I got pregnant, it was all new to me. I hadn't prepared myself, I wasn't taking folic acid for the first four weeks which apparently is a must. I wasn't aware that infections down below caused pre-term labour, there was just so much I didn't know about. Little things that potentially made a big impact. My mum helped educate me along the way because her waters broke with me at 29 weeks (I was born at 34 weeks), so she knew there were plenty of risks I needed to be aware of. One risk that took us both by surprise was a condition called Group B Strep.

This is where I strongly believe in the celestine prophecy (everything happens for a reason, people cross your path for a reason, you are made aware of things for a reason). My mum had recently been chatting with somebody who had a premature birth (32 weeks), it was a shock for this person as she didn't know anything was wrong so an early labour took her by surprise. After a shocking but successful birth, she was told that she had Group B Strep. A condition which is linked to premature labour, a condition which nobody had tested her for, a condition the NHS doesn't even bother telling us about. Her baby was healthy despite the risks and her story ends happily but she wanted to raise awareness as she was aware of the damage it causes when left undiagnosed (I have known two people to lose their newborns from the virus). My mum relayed the story to me and I had a google. What I learnt was this:

'Group B Streptococcus (GBS) is a normal bacterium which is carried by 20-40% of adults, most commonly in the gut, and for up to 25% of women, in the vagina, usually without symptoms or side-effects.

GBS can occasionally cause infection, most commonly in newborn babies, sometimes in adults and, very rarely, during pregnancy and before labour. GBS is not a sexually transmitted disease. Treatment of a woman and her partner carrying GBS does not prevent re-colonisation.

There are two types of GBS infection in newborns: early and late-onset:

• Early-onset GBS infection is more common (approximately 2/3 of cases in babies) and occurs when the baby is up to 6 days old; a key symptom is the rapid development of breathing problems, associated with blood poisoning.
• Late-onset GBS infection – usually presenting as sepsis and meningitis – occurs between age 7 days and up to age 3 months. After 3 months’ old, GBS infection in babies is extremely rare.

GBS is recognised to cause preterm delivery, maternal infections, stillbirths and late miscarriages; preterm babies are known to be at particular risk of GBS infection as their immune systems are not as well developed.' - https://gbss.org.uk'

I was only 20 weeks pregnant but knew I wanted to be tested for it immediately. Now this is where it gets frustrating. The NHS do NOT test for GBS, they feel it isn't necessary which is absolutely shocking considering the damage it potentially causes. So I looked online and found that you could order private tests  for around £30 which is definitely worth it. I however, ended up going to the doctors for a general check up/ swab as I have suffered a lot with infections in the past and wanted to be on top of all that while being pregnant. I asked the nurse if Group B Strep was tested for at the same time (it covers BV, Thrush etc), and she said it did which was such a relief. She then went on to say that normally they wouldn't test for it if you were not pregnant as it's a harmless bacteria (to us) but while pregnant it's flagged up if found. Meanwhile, I had a consultation with my high risk doctor at the hospital (as i'm on thyroid medication), and I asked if he thought I would be prone to GBS and told him of my intimate health struggles of the past, he didn't even take his eyes off of the computer and robotically replied, ' I don't think so' , in other words he wasn't interested as the NHS do not take GBS seriously at all.

Low and behold, my swab came back as positive for Group B Strep. I wanted to cry. I had read so much about it, heard so many negative stories surrounding it so all of a sudden I felt like my whole pregnancy was at risk. I felt alone because the NHS just didn't seem to care but I was all too aware of how much damage this bacteria could do. I told my midwife and she put a big sticker on my hospital notes so that staff would be aware of the condition when I go in to labour. The only treatment they offer is 4 doses of intravenous antibiotics during labour, I've heard 4 hours be mentioned a few times so it would suggest that your labour has to last for a minimum of 4 hours for the antibiotics to take effect. This is supposed to clear the GBS from your system so the baby doesn't contract it. The problem is, some people do not last long enough and do not get the full amount of antibiotics and then the baby gets infected, and on the flip side if your labour lasts for too long the baby is at risk again. It's all one big gamble and the NHS have had a lot of losses on their hands because of the poor organisation of monitoring and treatment. 

There are poor girls out there who don't even know they have GBS, and give birth and then get diagnosed after their babies are fighting meningitis and sepsis. It is awful and that's why I wanted to make as many people aware of this condition as possible. 

I personally pray that I get all of my antibiotics before giving birth, I will be going in to hospital as soon as I start contracting because ideally you need the antibiotics before your waters break as that's when the baby is vulnerable to infection. I have also looked into natural remedies to kill the bacteria before I go into labour. I'm also going to insist that my baby have their blood work done before leaving the hospital (if found in their blood they get their own dose of antibiotics). And that's all I can do. It's frustrating because it's the unknown but it's also something we do not have much control over.

If anyone wants to talk to me about natural remedies, please email me. Or google how to cure GBS naturally. I am treating it externally and internally (probitoics/ supplements etc). I can't say that it has worked for me yet as there are no symptoms to judge if you have it or not, but I would like to do all that I can on top of having antibiotics to help my baby have a healthy start in life.

- On a side note, because of this ordeal me and my baby have to go through during labour, I have planned not to have any visitors in the first week. I know I will be paranoid, looking out for signs of GBS infection. She will be my china doll, vulnerable to everything. Because of the antibiotics, her immune system will be non existent. I'm going to have a no smoker rules - if somebody who smokes wants to see the baby in their first few months of life, that means not smoking that day so it's not in their breath, on their hands or on their clothes as any interaction with second hand nicotine has already been linked to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, and my baby will have an even lower immune system than average. I will be a protective bitch for while because i'm absolutely riddled with fear. 

Feel free to email me at: RobynJaneblog@gmail.com

Robyn x

When do you start feeling kicks with an Anterior Placenta?

So as per usual, my body has decided to be a little bit difficult and has given me an anterior placenta. An anterior placenta is nothing to worry about, all it means is your placenta is located at the front of your abdomen, where as most people's are slightly at the side, or at the back - anywhere but the front. Having the placenta at the front in pregnancy means you won't feel your baby move as much as the next person. I remember finding this out at my 12 week scan, so I haven't been worried about it but it is disappointing having to wait so long to feel your baby move while others are documenting their movements with excitement.

I read that if you do not feel your baby move by 25 weeks, anterior placenta or not, you should tell your midwife. So in my mind I always thought, if I don't feel anything by then, that's when i'll worry.

I remember feeling twinges in my first trimester and second trimester which I thought could be kicks. But they were painful, like sharp stitch like pains and kicks are not supposed to be painful. Whenever I asked other mums what the kicks felt like, they would say they feel like butterflies or bubbles bursting. My twinges definitely felt nothing like that so I put those down to growing pains and patiently waited for the 'butterflies' to kick in. Every time I went to see my midwife or spoke to other pregnant women, they would ask me if I feel the baby move and I would always feel so negative about it because I felt NOTHING. My midwife would always tell me that the baby is too small to kick with force, and because the placenta is at the front, they are kicking the placenta before it reaches my stomach.

Finally at 21 weeks - during my 22nd week, I felt a kick! Because at this stage the baby was bigger and stronger, my kicks were not subtle. They did not feel like butterflies at all, more like big bubbles bursting/ little pokes. It's funny how one day it all just changed, and from then on I felt movement everyday. Sometimes I only felt her once a day which worried me but it's normal to not have a pattern that early on in pregnancy. Now at 25 weeks I can actually see the movement from the outside, it's amazing and feeling my baby move comforts me so much. I have been told to not start kick counting until 28 weeks as that's when the NHS care about movement/ decreased movement. Before that its too early on and less movement is considered normal.

Apart from the inconvenience of not feeling my bubs kick as soon as others felt theirs, anterior placentas are completely fine in pregnancy. Panic over!

When did you start feeling your baby kick?

-Robyn x

Second Trimester Hormones!

I am a very sensitive person, any kind of emotion - especially anger, tips me over the edge. If i'm angry - I'll cry, if i'm frustrated - I'll cry, if i'm overwhelmed with empathy - i'll cry. It doesn't take much to make me cry and i'm talking pre pregnancy!
Since being pregnant I have cried most days. If I see something cute on TV i'm crying, if I feel frustrated i'm crying, if I google pregnancy scares - i'm crying. There came a point where I honestly worried about my mental health and googled 'Is it safe to cry every day when pregnant'. How ridiculous am I! If I hadn't been like this before I would actually worry that I have some kind of post natal depression but I think it's just my personality. As my mum always says 'you were born anxious'.
I'm not worried because these emotions never last and when I'm happy I wonder why I was ever sad in the first place. But that's pregnancy for you isn't it, we have to suffer these comical highs and lows.

One emotion that is definitely taking centre stage this pregnancy is anger. I get soooo angry at every little thing that offends me, I am having NONE OF IT! Let me give you a few examples of what has been WINDING me UP!:

-Road rage. Arrogant drivers on the road. I haven't beeped so much in my life. People cutting me up = BEEP. People who beep me out of impatience = they get the middle finger. I had a middle finger war with a couple of vans the other day, oh and a big lorry (while in my Fiat 500 haha)! WHO AM I?! I just have this overwhelming need to defend myself, I will not be disrespected!

- Being patronised. So this morning I had to ring my mum at 8am and cry on the phone because I was overcome by an immense wave of pure anger and frustration. We are in the process of selling our flat and I am also working from home so juggling surveyors and viewers around my clients has been hard. I had a shoot booked in at midday and my partners mum text me the day before to let me know that the estate agent had booked an appointment at my flat from 11-1pm. It doesn't help that this estate agent is the stereotype patronising male who comes across so rude via text. I felt utterly disrespected that he hadn't thought to tell me AT ALL!, so I had a text battle with him and said things like 'I have to work, if I mess my clients around, I lose work meaning we won't be able to afford to move anyway!' I'm sorry do you think my work is a joke? So your job is important but mine can be sacrificed? SO yeah I cried, because all that anger had to come out some how. Arrogant males literally bring out the warrior in me.

-Not feeling in control. Whatever I eat I google 'Is *** safe to eat in pregnancy' and find out that 70% of food is basically considered dangerous. This morning I googled 'Is raw cacoa safe in pregnancy?' The answer was Yes and NOOOO, but I had to draw the line there because I love my daily chocolate smoothies and if you really look into everything, nothing is technically safe. Also, I can never get a hold of my midwife, so I find myself googling everything that concerns me which has wrecked my mind frame. So I often find myself worrying about things that I don't know if I should be worrying about? It's tiring.

-Seeing unreasonable behaviour online General ignorant views. I'm talking about people who share photos of animals and can't see the cruelty behind the 'funny video' or 'cute dog (bred to mutation)'. People who disrespect and mock vegetarians and vegans because we actually care about the planet and the animals who share it with us. Small minded comments which deeply offend me personally. I am commenting on everything. So I apologise if I offend you along the way. I just get a spell of dizzy rage posses me and all of a sudden my keyboard warrior hands are posting a defensive rant.


But on the flip side for the past few nights I have woken myself up from laughing in my dreams. Hysterically laughing. I am actually mental.

Is anyone else as mad as me? Or were you as mad as me when you were pregnant?

Follow me at:
www.instagram.com/robynJane_x
www.twitter.com/robynjaneblog - I post tweet rants which may be comical to some !

- Robyn x

How to predict your baby's gender at 12 weeks

If you want to find out the gender of your baby, you probably will hate waiting for the 20 week scan. I found myself googling Mayan gender prediction charts, Chinese calender's, symptoms of carrying boys & girls, I loved trying to guess (they were all wrong by the way). The best way, and most medically accurate way of predicting a baby's sex is via your 12 week scan photo (which worked for me!)

Half way through my epic google trail, I came across forums where people were saying they were told their baby's gender at their 12 week scan!?  -And that's when I came across the 'Nub theory'.

'Between 11-13 weeks, all babies are said to have a 'nub' between their legs called the genital tubercle, and according to this theory the angle of the nub will indicate whether it's a boy or girl. It's said that if the nub is over 30 degrees up from the spine, it's a boy - but if it's under that then it's a girl.' - Source

By this point, my 12 week scan had come and gone but I did have a photo. So I googled examples of girl nubs vs boy nubs and compared them to my own. The nub prediction did end up being correct, even though my baby's nub was unclear in the image. Some scan photos do not really show any kind of nub, but some are there, loud and clear. I now see people's 12 week scan photos and KNOW if they're having a boy or girl. Boy nubs are pretty obvious, girls are harder because you could argue there is no nub in the image.

Examples below including my own scan image:

My Scan Photo:

Have fun predicting your baby's gender! Or if you're like me - predicting other people's baby's genders too! But remember to keep your opinions to yourself, some people would rather not know.

Follow me at:

www.instagram.com/robynjane_x 

Robyn x

Second Trimester Update & Gender Reveal!

So currently I am 22 weeks + 1 day! - is that 5 months? I lose track! All I know is I have March, April, May and June before i'm due beginning of July! I'm kind of preparing myself for the end of June, just in case baby is early.

So much has happened in the space of a few weeks. We had our 20 week scan and I had a couple of other tests which have put me under the high risk umbrella. One of them being a thyroid problem. I have been on thyroid medication since I was 18, so I always knew that they would have to keep an eye on that during pregnancy. Having a dysfunctional thyroid can lead to a small baby, which would mean they would deliver the baby earlier than planned. So they have booked me in for an extra scan to measure the growth of bubs. My midwife is so good, she explained how although I am classed as high risk now, it doesn't mean I will be high risk when it comes to delivering the baby. They just need extra checks in place during my pregnancy to make sure baby is growing OK. So I'm not worried at all, if anything I am happy I am getting the extra checks. There is another complication which I want to talk about in a separate post. It's something that took me by surprise and has completely messed up my ideal birth plan. I want to talk to my midwife first and get more information before I go writing about it. But I do plan to be very open about everything because I feel like it could help others who are in the same position.

Gender Reveal
Before we had the 20 week scan, we had a 16 week private gender scan. I just could NOT wait! I wanted to be able to connect with the little soul growing inside my body. Without knowing the gender, we kept calling the baby IT and THEY. I wanted to be able to say he or she and even give them a name, to make them a real person. Up until knowing the gender, none of it felt real.
At the 16 week scan, they had trouble getting baby to be in the right position so I had to go for a walk and come back after 20 minutes. After a lot of jumping up and down, the lady managed to get a look at 'the parts' and told us we were having a girl. I was absolutely over the moon because I always thought I would have a girl, and I kept dreaming/ seeing a little girl in my meditations yet everyone around me, even spiritual people were telling me I was having a boy so I was feeling a bit disconnected with the baby, like I didn't know them, so the news instantly made me feel at one with my mini me.  I have a you tube video up which talks about how I psychically knew I was having a girl which I will link below if anyone is interested in that paranormal stuff.

We waited until the 20 week scan confirmation before we 100% believed we were having a girl. But the doctor did confirm the sex and said the scans are very rarely wrong. The fact that we had two separate scans at different stages, saying the same thing gave me a lot of confidence. So now we call our baby SHE and we actually have named her. But i'm keeping the name a secret until she's born, just in case we change it ! But it's so lovely being able to buy girly things, and to be able to plan her nursery and visualise what she will look like when she's a real person. If it were up to just me, I would find out the gender for my next pregnancy too.