I am a very sensitive person, any kind of emotion - especially anger, tips me over the edge. If i'm angry - I'll cry, if i'm frustrated - I'll cry, if i'm overwhelmed with empathy - i'll cry. It doesn't take much to make me cry and i'm talking pre pregnancy!
Since being pregnant I have cried most days. If I see something cute on TV i'm crying, if I feel frustrated i'm crying, if I google pregnancy scares - i'm crying. There came a point where I honestly worried about my mental health and googled 'Is it safe to cry every day when pregnant'. How ridiculous am I! If I hadn't been like this before I would actually worry that I have some kind of post natal depression but I think it's just my personality. As my mum always says 'you were born anxious'.
I'm not worried because these emotions never last and when I'm happy I wonder why I was ever sad in the first place. But that's pregnancy for you isn't it, we have to suffer these comical highs and lows.
One emotion that is definitely taking centre stage this pregnancy is anger. I get soooo angry at every little thing that offends me, I am having NONE OF IT! Let me give you a few examples of what has been WINDING me UP!:
-Road rage. Arrogant drivers on the road. I haven't beeped so much in my life. People cutting me up = BEEP. People who beep me out of impatience = they get the middle finger. I had a middle finger war with a couple of vans the other day, oh and a big lorry (while in my Fiat 500 haha)! WHO AM I?! I just have this overwhelming need to defend myself, I will not be disrespected!
- Being patronised. So this morning I had to ring my mum at 8am and cry on the phone because I was overcome by an immense wave of pure anger and frustration. We are in the process of selling our flat and I am also working from home so juggling surveyors and viewers around my clients has been hard. I had a shoot booked in at midday and my partners mum text me the day before to let me know that the estate agent had booked an appointment at my flat from 11-1pm. It doesn't help that this estate agent is the stereotype patronising male who comes across so rude via text. I felt utterly disrespected that he hadn't thought to tell me AT ALL!, so I had a text battle with him and said things like 'I have to work, if I mess my clients around, I lose work meaning we won't be able to afford to move anyway!' I'm sorry do you think my work is a joke? So your job is important but mine can be sacrificed? SO yeah I cried, because all that anger had to come out some how. Arrogant males literally bring out the warrior in me.
-Not feeling in control. Whatever I eat I google 'Is *** safe to eat in pregnancy' and find out that 70% of food is basically considered dangerous. This morning I googled 'Is raw cacoa safe in pregnancy?' The answer was Yes and NOOOO, but I had to draw the line there because I love my daily chocolate smoothies and if you really look into everything, nothing is technically safe. Also, I can never get a hold of my midwife, so I find myself googling everything that concerns me which has wrecked my mind frame. So I often find myself worrying about things that I don't know if I should be worrying about? It's tiring.
-Seeing unreasonable behaviour online General ignorant views. I'm talking about people who share photos of animals and can't see the cruelty behind the 'funny video' or 'cute dog (bred to mutation)'. People who disrespect and mock vegetarians and vegans because we actually care about the planet and the animals who share it with us. Small minded comments which deeply offend me personally. I am commenting on everything. So I apologise if I offend you along the way. I just get a spell of dizzy rage posses me and all of a sudden my keyboard warrior hands are posting a defensive rant.
But on the flip side for the past few nights I have woken myself up from laughing in my dreams. Hysterically laughing. I am actually mental.
Is anyone else as mad as me? Or were you as mad as me when you were pregnant?
Follow me at:
www.instagram.com/robynJane_x
www.twitter.com/robynjaneblog - I post tweet rants which may be comical to some !
- Robyn x
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