I'm pregnant!

It's been a long wait but I finally feel ready to reveal my news. I'm pregnant! It's been an absolute whirlwind since finding out. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and already know the sex (although it's a secret until the 20 week scan confirmation).  I've always wanted to be a mum and I've never really been one to enjoy the 'young' life. I hated going to nightclubs, alcohol always makes me feel more crappy than the average person, I'm an introvert and hate socialising in big groups, I have no desire to go travelling and I work for myself, so becoming a Mum has made me feel like my life is finally beginning. I have a purpose, I have a source of eternal happiness, I have a vulnerable little being to look after and focus my attention on, I have a new source of inspiration, I have my own family and it all just feels so right.

Long story cut short, this pregnancy was planned and wasn't planned. It's a very confusing story and I never know how to tell people, I feel like I have to explain myself which is ridiculous because I am an adult in a long term relationship. Most of my family (expect those closest to me) were quite shocked because 1. I'm not married (like that matters in this day and age) 2. I come across as young. I think it's because I'm shy, I haven't followed the 9-5 job pattern because I have always been able to work for myself and I have only ever been in one proper relationship, which somehow all translates to 'you're too young?'. Let's just say I cut the crap, in all avenues of life. And now i'm cutting the crap with starting a family. I have found my forever partner in life, somebody who is not only there for me but who would also make an amazing Dad, and I am ready to be a Mum. Why should I wait for what society deems an acceptable time to start a family? What is that? age 28-30 and married? Why? .. I'm 25 and will be 26 when my baby is born and James will be 29. We already know we're eventually getting married and are buying a house together. Perfect.

So when I got shocked reactions to my pregnancy because of my age or life situation, it really got my hackles up because I hate being judged.

Another BIG reason as to why I wanted kids sooner rather than later was due to fertility issues. What EVERY girl who wants to be a mum dreads. I always had a massive massive fear that I wouldn't be able to have children because I wanted them so so badly, I've never been that girl to dream of a wedding but I have always dreamt of having children. Family is everything to me and I am a carer, I love caring for my family, I always need somebody to care for to bring me joy. I have also been known to feel intuitively if something was wrong and this fertility issue was really really bugging me all of a sudden from the age of about 24/25. Long story short because I want to go into this in detail in my next post (because I feel it could help a lot of girls), I found out I had PCOS Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome in October this year. I KNEW it was coming, I KNEW something was wrong, I KNEW this constant message or feeling of  'you need to try soon' had reason behind it. I was devastated, I didn't know what this diagnosis meant for me. James was not ready at all to be a Dad, to the point of potentially breaking up with me over it. It was a very very sensitive subject for us as a couple but once I had my paranoia printed out in black and white (on top of my already existing hypothyroid condition which automatically puts me in to the high risk category in pregnancy), he took me seriously and he changed his mind frame because potentially it is now or never and we both want to be parents. 

What men do not understand is, us women sometimes do not get to choose when to have children, our bodies decide for us. Already at age 25, I feel on the brink of being defined medically as an older mum. Did you know with age your chances of miscarriage, complications, down syndrome etc etc go up year by year? Reading through all of my medical notes and information a lot of these risks, like gestational diabetes goes up age 25 and over.  This gives you a clue:

- Risks of down syndrome in a pregnancy:

  age 20: one in 1,500

  age 30: one in 900

  age 40: one in 100

  age 45: one in 50 or greaterhttps://www.babycentre.co.uk/a538711/how-age-affects-pregnancy#ixzz55fYnsxYv

People (mostly men) need to be aware of these risks and how our bodies are actually designed to have kids earlier rather than later, and that in a nutshell was my argument to James. I wanted age to be on my side because my body is already going against me. So here we are, expecting our first child - which to me feels like a miracle.

This blog will document my pregnancy journey - Fertility information and advice,  First trimester scares and symptoms, second and third trimester progress, fitness regime, baby shopping hauls, bump updates, labour story, baby progress etc etc! Follow my instagram, twitter and Youtube to follow me via social media :)

Thanks for following my journey, Robyn x