So if you have read my last post,
you will know that I have PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome) which is fairly
common and linked to infertility. I had absolutely no reason to think I had
anything wrong with my reproductive system so I want to tell you my story, to
raise awareness and hopefully buy women more time to figure out where they
stand in terms of having kids. This post will be quite detailed and personal.
So sorry if you feel it's TMI (Too much information).
So I started my periods around the classic age of 13. They were extremely normal, not too heavy and not too light, regular, not painful and lasted 5-8 days in total. I had natural periods until I was around 16. I decided to go on the pill when I was 16 due to my hormonal acne. I really struggled with my skin and had been given medication by the hospital but nothing worked. So my mum took me to the doctors to get me on the pill. The pill ended up giving me perfect skin, and that's how I know my acne is hormonal. I ended up being on the pill for 8 years and still had regular 'fake' periods which didn't seem much different to my natural ones. I came off of the pill in October 2016 due to my hypochondriac ways/ witchy senses. All of a sudden being on the pill just felt so wrong! It didn't help that I was reading stories of young healthy girls dropping dead of blood clots due to the pill, plus my cholesterol was borderline high (hereditary) and my blood pressure was always high when tested (anxiety). So I felt like I was at risk being on the pill and the idea of something stopping my fertility for a decade worried me. So at 24, I came off of the pill and made my boyfriend of a year and a half wear the protection because it was the right thing to do for my body. I was no way ready for kids, and hadn't even thought about trying. Our relationship was still fairly new and starting a family was the last of our worries.
I was lucky and my periods never stopped being regular, I came off of the pill and still got my regular period. There was no delay, no gaps which can be common when coming off of the pill but I was OK. I started to get hormonal acne again, although no where near as bad as it was in my teens but I didn't care, I felt grateful that everything was working as it should be. At this point I decided to get a period tracking app (there are loads of free ones available), where you mark down when you started your period and when you finished and then it tells you when you're next due. It also estimates when your most fertile days are which are good to know for girls trying to get pregnant and girls who DO NOT want to get pregnant! Fast forward 6 months and my periods began to change. They were still every 26-28 days but they were becoming incredibly light. I had always been used to the opposite so this worried me. As the months went by they became lighter and lighter to the point of only lasting for a day. One month my period was a whole week late which had never happened to me before. I was under a lot of stress and borderline depression that particular month so I put it down to emotional trauma. But I did start taking pregnancy tests every month because I didn't want to be pregnant and just not know about it (even though we were using protection). All tests were negative and the trusty condom never failed me. But that meant that I had a problem.
I went to the doctors after about 8 months of having periods that only lasted one to two days and asked if I could have PCOS? The first doctor I saw laughed and said 'no, I very much doubt it'. He went on to explain that I didn't show the classic signs (weight issues, very bad skin, thick coarse facial and body hair). So I went away feeling like I hadn't solved anything. Another month of a basically non existent period went by (I felt like my ovaries were shrivelling up by this point lol) so I went back to the doctors because this was SO important to me! I wanted to be able to have children and I felt like I was catching my body transitioning to an infertile phase and I wanted to do something about it before it was too late! This time I saw a lady doctor and she said that I could have PCOS, so she sent me for an ultrasound scan. I asked if there was anything I could take medically or herbally to help my hormones. I had done my research (freaking myself out in the process) and had learnt of supplements and medication a lot of PCOS sufferers took which regulated their hormones and fertility. The NHS do not really support herbal medication so she had no answer for me and proceeded to tell me that they only offer medication and specific blood tests when you are trying for a baby and are failing to get pregnant. SO there was no cure available for me until that point.
The ultrasound scan happened, and the guy was very very blunt and to the point, he did a very quick scan and told me we were all done. I asked him if I had PCOS, and he replied so very casually 'Yes, lots of cysts on BOTH ovaries' and that was that. I walked away feeling like my body had betrayed me, why had my periods been so textbook until now? Had the PCOS only just appeared?
I went back to the doctors after doing my own research and asked if they could give me a blood test to see if I was ovulating. I wanted to know where I stood, I wanted to know if I should try for babies NOW before the PCOS gets worse, I didn't know if it could get worse? The doctor once again told me that they do not do those tests until you are trying and failing to get pregnant. But she could offer me one test to see roughly if I was ovulating. They were so unhelpful and booked me in for a test any old time when actually it should have been at a certain point in my cycle. They didn't care because I wasn't actively trying for a baby. I felt so alone and confused by it all. I also asked if they medically recommended I try for a baby sooner rather than later, and they didn't give me a straight forward reply, only that the younger you are the more fertile you are. So I went away and bought myself a clear blue ovulation kit (which I never got to use). If the doctors were not going to accurately test my blood to see if I was ovulating, then I was going to have to look in to it myself. I needed to know where I stood, because me and James wanted kids and if that meant sooner rather than later then so be it.
That very day I was so emotional and told James everything, I am a very dramatic person in situations like this and told him how I may not be able to have kids and I didn't want to leave it any later because having kids was my plan in life, my dream. And although he didn't feel ready, he had always wanted kids too. We had already planned to try for a baby the following year but I stressed, 'it could take months for me to conceive, I may not even be ovulating! I may need treatment next year! Right now time is on our side so I say scrap the contraception and lets see what happens.' Bless him, the whole subject scared the life out of him. He thought having a child meant that he would lose a lot rather than gain. But I knew deep down that he would absolutely love being a Dad, he just needed to experience it. I comforted him by talking about future trips and activities with a baby in tow. No more picnics for two, how about three? An excuse to go to those fun mazes once they're old enough, the excitement of taking them on holidays, the thrill of seeing them experience things for the first time. His life would be enriched not dulled down and restricted.
So the next month rolled around, I went for my blood test and tried not to think too much into it. I had actively changed my lifestyle by eating very healthily (no sugar apart from weekends, no gluten) and I was exercising 3-4 times a week as always. I was losing weight and toning up quickly, so i felt good about myself! The PCOS had not effected my metabolism thankfully, I had always been a healthy weight but I wanted I keep it that way. I have always been active and fit and I have been lifting weights for two to three years so I really think that has helped my metabolism opposed to the usual cardio. I also took vitex for 6 months (before my diagnosis) because a homeopath had said my hormones were out of whack and that would help. Turns out Vitex is a a herb sometimes used for PCOS so I will never really know if that helped or not.
That month I was one week late for my period. After months of irregular periods and a pregnancy test each time (because I had no answer for what was happening), this month felt different. I just thought 'oh well that's my ovaries giving up on me entirely then' because I had a diagnosis I didn't feel the need to get a pregnancy test. I didn't want to see that horrible negative line again reminding me that I was infertile. Baring in mind that through all of those months of pregnancy tests, I had never had unprotected sex but last month I had -but that didn't seem to matter, I had already written my fate. I told my mum casually that I was a week late, she asked if I was using contraception and I said no. So she said 'ermmm, I think you need to take a pregnancy test' I rolled my eyes and said 'Pffft I doubt it' She went on to tell me that she was extremely fertile back in the day and it only took one time to get pregnant, lets just say my brother was conceived a few months earlier than planned. But I just argued ' I have PCOS, you didn't. Good for you that you were that fertile, but not me, no need to rub it in, you just don't get it, GAAAD'.
That day she got me a test and i took it the next morning (first wee of the day they say). I was shaking taking the test because reality hit me, I actually COULD be pregnant. But what I have left out is that we had only scrapped the contraception ONE time, because after my emotional breakdown, James talked me into waiting 6 months, so we could get a house and move from the flat we are in, which made sense and was a compromise to make him feel a bit better about it all. So while taking that test I thought SHIT I COULD ACTUALLY BE PREGNANT. I waited 3 minutes before looking, my mum was harassing me on whatsapp, she wanted to know. It was weird having someone know I was taking a test, it made it real. I looked at the test, preparing myself for that negative line, reminding myself that the chances were slim and not to feel to heartbroken at the result. But TWO lines appeared !!! POSITIVE! I told my mum and she congratulated me but all of a sudden I didn't feel like this was a good thing, I didn't want to be congratulated. I knew James didn't want this yet and I was scared. But as the same time I cried with relief, I was so happy I was pregnant, So happy I was fertile. I told James and we both freaked out together. He hugged me before leaving to go to work and told me everything would be OK. It took us a few weeks to get our heads around it, it wasn't exactly an accident but it wasn't planned for now, however it was happening and it was a blessing. I looked back at my period tracking app and worked out that I had conceived exactly when the app said I would be ovulating.
I ended up going for a private scan at 7 weeks, because although I was pregnant, I was worried it wouldn't stick because the first trimester is a scary and unstable time, even more so for PCOS sufferers. Even though my little baby was just a blob, they already had a strong heartbeat and they say once you hear the heartbeat, your risk of miscarriage goes down a lot. She also looked at my ovaries and I told her I had PCOS. She replied ' I see the PCOS, but only around the edges and you're ovaries are not enlarged which is unusual because they usually are with PCOS' I can not tell you what a relief it was to hear that! I can't believe the NHS didn't tell me anything about any of that! I was left to assume the worst yet the private scan had really put my diagnosis in to perspective.
So after this long blog post, if you are still reading. I want you to consider three things:
1. If you ever want to have kids, whether that be in 2 years or 10, come off of the pill. Know where you stand with your fertility. Give your body time to figure itself out. I never would have known about my PCOS if I had remained on the pill. And if I would have come off of it at 28 or whenever James had decided he was ready, it could have been too late for me. I don't know how it works or if it can get worse in time, but the older you are the harder it could be especially with existing medical issues (whether you know about them or not.)
2. If you have PCOS go for a private scan to get an in depth analysis. My early pregnancy scan gave me so much more information and gave me huge comfort.
3. EXERCISE and keep to a healthy weight. It is easier to get pregnant with PCOS when you have a healthy BMI, not to mention there as SO many more risks in pregnancy when you are overweight. Everyone gains weight during pregnancy so you want to have a healthy starting point. I recommend lifting weights, not super heavy but not too light either. Challenge yourself and build muscle, that muscle will up your metabolism and help you lose weight. Cardio is an add on side option to burn the calories but weight lifting should be a priority to build up that metabolism. Make it your mission to get to a healthy weight before you get pregnant because once you are pregnant, they say you should not do anything your body is not used to doing. SO you shouldn't start lifting weights when you're pregnant, only continue to lift lighter weights if you are used to it (which is what i'm currently doing).
As always, if you want to talk to me about anything, feel free to email me or connect with me via social media. RobynJaneblog@Gmail.com x
