Newborn days are an absolute blur.
I am so glad that we were over prepared and had all the equipment we needed without having to panic buy last minute because when I was struggling in the early days I had no inspiration to shop at all.
So here are a few things I found to be useful and would use again if I have another baby.
1. Chicco Next to me Crib and Chicco Light
These next to me beds are so perfect. I am a very anxious and paranoid person. I used to wake up randomly just to check if Isla was breathing ok (SIDS was constantly on my mind). With this crib I could see her as I lay there on my side, I didn't have to get up to check on her but she was also safe in her own space with no threat of me rolling on to her. As she got older and needier we started to co-sleep in my bed but while she was a fragile and an unaware newborn, I let her sleep in her own space as she didn't mind at all.
The light was also a big big plus because I relied on that soft night light to give me night vision when Isla insisted we get up every 3 hours. The light fixed on to the crib and was bright enough for me to see her and breastfeed her without fumbling in the dark but dim enough not to effect her Dad too much while he attempted to get some sleep.
2. Muslins
Wow I know they say you can never have enough muslins but we had about 20 and that still wasn't enough. I did have to buy more as Isla was a sicky baby (I blame greed), so we were getting through 5 a day. I also got some big bamboo muslins as a very light blanket while she slept. There were some nights were it stayed at 26+ degrees so a light muslin was all she needed. They are still handy now as they are so big so I continued to use them as summer blankets while she was in her pushchair.
3. Baby Massage
Baby massage really saved my mentality as a new mum and introduced me to my first mum friends who I hope to stay in contact with forever. I went to a free class (donation £2 a session), at my local childrens centre. Our teacher was so lovely, although too young to be my nan, she had that cosiness about her which I found really comforting. She provided tea and the most delicious cookies every time. In the early days, I was so mentally and physically drained, I had to force myself to leave the house and the only way I could do that is if I had a class to go to. Baby massage starts at 6weeks old so that was my very first class and a lovely soft introduction to the world of baby classes. Not only did it help me mentally, it helped Isla so so SO much. She was a very windy baby and before baby massage, the trapped air would have her crying relentlessly throughout the day and night. Once I was taught how to give her a proper colic/wind massage, the air came out like a deflating balloon. It also helps them go to the toilet which was also an issue with Isla. Baby massage helped me get rid of that horrible discomfort she was in and I am so grateful for being able to do that for her.
4. Baby Carrier
Before I had Isla, I used to go on daily dog walks with my mum and her dogs. Nature is my haven so it was an absolute must to work out a way where I could continue to join my mum on her dog walks which were usually off road and impossible for a buggy. My friend gave me her baby bjorn carrier which was an absolute blessing. Isla used to fall asleep in the carrier almost instantly and I could continue to walk like a normal person. I loved how she could remain close to me but still get some fresh air. As she got older I purchased the ERGO BABY 360 carrier which allowed me to turn her so she could face the front and see what was going on (around 6 months old).
5. Changing Table by Tutti Bambini
Having a C-Section made it harder for me to change her on the floor or even on my bed.
A changing table is at a perfect height where you don't have to bend down and strain your back to change them. Isla is 14 months and I still use the changing table. They can look like normal drawers once we are finished with the baby stage. But unlike normal drawers, they have a slight depth on top so the baby cant just roll off of the edge, although I would never ever let that even be an option.
I hope this has inspired your parent to be shopping list :)
Let me know if you have any questions! x
Society made me feel ashamed for Co-Sleeping with my baby
Wednesday, 7 August 2019
One thing that I wasn't prepared for about motherhood is feeling like I need to conform to how others think you should parent your own child. I just assumed I would naturally follow the general guidelines and be a 'normal' parent.
They say you should let your baby sleep in the same room as you for atleast 6 months and then you can try and move them to their own room. On the lead up to the 6 month mark, I would look at my perfect little angel sleeping so soundly beside me and feel a deep sadness at the thought of her being all on her own in a cot that looked far too big and cold for her. I fought with the idea that she needs to learn to be on her own because isn't that the right thing to do?
Isn't that what everyone tells you to do?
But my natural instinct wouldn't let me rest when she was out of my sight.
The 6 month mark came and everyone asked me 'when is she going in her own room, are you trying it yet?' and I would squirm with embarrassment at my bad parenting and reply 'no not yet' - like I was somehow failing?
So she continued to sleep next to me and I continued to pamper to her every need through out the night. Blankets come off? No problem babykins I'll tuck you up again. Are you too hot? No problem I will swap your blanket for a thermal one. Are you panicking because you feel alone? Both me and your Daddy are right next to you. I loved how I could comfort her instantly. But with each passing month the comments continued. 'She really need her own space' Someone suggested. But with each passing month I was beginning to understand that actually there is no set way of you should do things. You should go with both your baby and your own natural instinct.
Were babies really left in a different nook of the cave back in the first days of human civilisation? Probably not! We are so quick to dismiss our natural and most basic instincts which is wrong for both mother and child.
Every baby is different and some babies genuinely do want their own space but Isla wasn't that baby. She panics when she feels alone, she opens her eyes to see if we are next to her and then falls back to sleep, she wriggles in discomfort until you touch her. So now instead of feeling embarrassed that I haven't followed the usual regime, I'm proud that I did what was best for MY baby.
Yes that makes my life a bit more difficult. I do have to go to bed when she goes to bed and she only naps in her pushchair when you rock her in the day. But thats OK because it won't be forever. She will only be a baby for a short amount of time so in that time I want to reassure her and go with what SHE wants rather than try to fit her in the same box as what a baby should want and need.
I feel like people don't understand when I say I can't have a late night out. When I have to leave social situations a little earlier than everyone else I feel embarrassed and rude or like I'm making an excuse because aren't 1 year olds supposed to be in their own bed by now?
'Can't you get someone to look after her overnight?
'My parents look after my baby over night, why can't yours?'
Not that anyone says those things but I know they are thinking it, especially the ones without children.
I watched 'The Let Down' on netflix the other day that follows their 1 year olds and one mum said 'She isn't ready to stay anywhere over night yet' and it just resonated with me. She isn't ready.
Isla isn't ready for me to just leave her and nothing on this earth is more important than my baby. I would sacrifice everything for her. SO although I am cringing at the thought of my future social plans and having to leave abruptly early, I am aligning my priorities and putting people pleasing aside, I feel that has to be done ALOT in motherhood.
They say you should let your baby sleep in the same room as you for atleast 6 months and then you can try and move them to their own room. On the lead up to the 6 month mark, I would look at my perfect little angel sleeping so soundly beside me and feel a deep sadness at the thought of her being all on her own in a cot that looked far too big and cold for her. I fought with the idea that she needs to learn to be on her own because isn't that the right thing to do?
Isn't that what everyone tells you to do?
But my natural instinct wouldn't let me rest when she was out of my sight.
The 6 month mark came and everyone asked me 'when is she going in her own room, are you trying it yet?' and I would squirm with embarrassment at my bad parenting and reply 'no not yet' - like I was somehow failing?
So she continued to sleep next to me and I continued to pamper to her every need through out the night. Blankets come off? No problem babykins I'll tuck you up again. Are you too hot? No problem I will swap your blanket for a thermal one. Are you panicking because you feel alone? Both me and your Daddy are right next to you. I loved how I could comfort her instantly. But with each passing month the comments continued. 'She really need her own space' Someone suggested. But with each passing month I was beginning to understand that actually there is no set way of you should do things. You should go with both your baby and your own natural instinct.
Were babies really left in a different nook of the cave back in the first days of human civilisation? Probably not! We are so quick to dismiss our natural and most basic instincts which is wrong for both mother and child.
Every baby is different and some babies genuinely do want their own space but Isla wasn't that baby. She panics when she feels alone, she opens her eyes to see if we are next to her and then falls back to sleep, she wriggles in discomfort until you touch her. So now instead of feeling embarrassed that I haven't followed the usual regime, I'm proud that I did what was best for MY baby.
Yes that makes my life a bit more difficult. I do have to go to bed when she goes to bed and she only naps in her pushchair when you rock her in the day. But thats OK because it won't be forever. She will only be a baby for a short amount of time so in that time I want to reassure her and go with what SHE wants rather than try to fit her in the same box as what a baby should want and need.
I feel like people don't understand when I say I can't have a late night out. When I have to leave social situations a little earlier than everyone else I feel embarrassed and rude or like I'm making an excuse because aren't 1 year olds supposed to be in their own bed by now?
'Can't you get someone to look after her overnight?
'My parents look after my baby over night, why can't yours?'
Not that anyone says those things but I know they are thinking it, especially the ones without children.
I watched 'The Let Down' on netflix the other day that follows their 1 year olds and one mum said 'She isn't ready to stay anywhere over night yet' and it just resonated with me. She isn't ready.
Isla isn't ready for me to just leave her and nothing on this earth is more important than my baby. I would sacrifice everything for her. SO although I am cringing at the thought of my future social plans and having to leave abruptly early, I am aligning my priorities and putting people pleasing aside, I feel that has to be done ALOT in motherhood.
Why I Decided to Breastfeed After Being Against It
Friday, 14 June 2019
Before I had a child, before I even got pregnant - the thought of breastfeeding cringed me out. I hate how society have twisted our most basic nature by sexualising breasts which were solely designed to keep babies alive and have smothered our instincts so when we see a woman breastfeeding we cringe and look away instead of thinking awww how lovely, what a lovely thing.
I fell in to the bracket of OMG look away she's breastfeeding! I've never been against other people doing it but I have been embarrassed if I've seen somebody do it and I hate that.
During my hypnobirthing course, we went over everything from diet while pregnant to breastfeeding when the baby is here. The way Karen at Babies in Waiting talked about feeding made it seem so special, like it was an honour to feed your child, an amazing bond that only you could ever experience and I fell in love with the idea. I was absolutely amazed to learn of all the benefits it would give my baby girl. How if she was ever ill my body would produce antibodies to help her recover quicker or sometimes prevent an illness entirely while formula can only feed your baby (packed with vitamins but not antibodies). I also knew I would definitely give it a go because 1. My Mum is a big pro breast feeder so I had her support and 2. I am mostly dairy free and do not believe in humans drinking cows milk as like us, their milk is solely designed to feed THEIR offspring. So to give a tiny human milk powder made from milk which is supposed to feed a calf put me off of the idea.
HOWEVER.
While I was in hospital Isla kept crying to the point of midwives coming in to check on us. If I knew then what I know now I wouldn't have been worried as newborns cry all the time, it's normal especially when you're waiting for your milk to come in. It's a whole process which isn't easy but its normal, it's nature. Their cry does something to our bodies, their constant suckling stimulated the milk. It all goes hand in hand. But the midwives insisted that Isla was hungry and that she needed a top up of formula. So I of course did whatever they told me to do. I felt so lost and so misguided. SO for the first few weeks of her life Isla had a bit of formula to top her up. What the midwives failed to tell me, which blows my mind, is that it's very important that the baby doesn't have any other milk as the more they suckle on you the sooner your milk comes in. If they are getting milk from another source your body thinks oh hey the baby isn't hungry anymore, we won't have to produce as much milk. Luckily I was able to give up the formula in the end after seeing a breastfeeding specialist who assured me that I definitely had enough milk to feed her.
I'm not going to lie, in the first few weeks I cried ALOT. I wanted to give up breastfeeding so badly. I couldn't go out because I had a baby attached to my boob 24/7. I was embarrassed when family members saw my boobs but I had to feed her and I knew I needed to get over this embarrassment.
But it did stop me from going to public places for a while. I fed in the car if we had to go out.
To get through it I set myself goals. I said 3 months, 3 months and I will give up because then at least she has had most of the benefits and she will no longer be a newborn. I was so convinced I would give up but when the time rolled around I had realised it had become a lot easier. So I said 6 months, I can do this for another few months so 6 months is the goal. Once again 6 months came and I wasn't ready to give up, the thought made me emotional. By this point I was feeding in public, discreetly and successfully so life was normal once again and I was still doing the best thing for my baby girl. Now here we are at 11 months and my goal now is to get to 1 year. At a year she can drink Oat milk (recommended by doctors and approved by my heath visitor as a non dairy option). Isla is naturally weaning which is the best. I don't feel guilty because she's more interested in food now but it wouldn't surprise me if I'm still feeding her at night after a year because it's a big comfort to her.
I wanted to share my story with you because not everyone who breastfeeds found it easy and not everyone is a natural. I wasn't at all. Isla had tongue tie, I had anxiety & a bit of depression so it was a very rocky start for us but I promise it gets easier. It actually becomes more convenient than bottle feeding because you don't have to go downstairs and make bottles in the middle of the night, you don't have to sterilise and you never have to panic if you have forgotten the milk. Wherever you are, you will always be able to comfort, feed and hydrate your baby without packing a thing!
I fell in to the bracket of OMG look away she's breastfeeding! I've never been against other people doing it but I have been embarrassed if I've seen somebody do it and I hate that.
During my hypnobirthing course, we went over everything from diet while pregnant to breastfeeding when the baby is here. The way Karen at Babies in Waiting talked about feeding made it seem so special, like it was an honour to feed your child, an amazing bond that only you could ever experience and I fell in love with the idea. I was absolutely amazed to learn of all the benefits it would give my baby girl. How if she was ever ill my body would produce antibodies to help her recover quicker or sometimes prevent an illness entirely while formula can only feed your baby (packed with vitamins but not antibodies). I also knew I would definitely give it a go because 1. My Mum is a big pro breast feeder so I had her support and 2. I am mostly dairy free and do not believe in humans drinking cows milk as like us, their milk is solely designed to feed THEIR offspring. So to give a tiny human milk powder made from milk which is supposed to feed a calf put me off of the idea.
HOWEVER.
While I was in hospital Isla kept crying to the point of midwives coming in to check on us. If I knew then what I know now I wouldn't have been worried as newborns cry all the time, it's normal especially when you're waiting for your milk to come in. It's a whole process which isn't easy but its normal, it's nature. Their cry does something to our bodies, their constant suckling stimulated the milk. It all goes hand in hand. But the midwives insisted that Isla was hungry and that she needed a top up of formula. So I of course did whatever they told me to do. I felt so lost and so misguided. SO for the first few weeks of her life Isla had a bit of formula to top her up. What the midwives failed to tell me, which blows my mind, is that it's very important that the baby doesn't have any other milk as the more they suckle on you the sooner your milk comes in. If they are getting milk from another source your body thinks oh hey the baby isn't hungry anymore, we won't have to produce as much milk. Luckily I was able to give up the formula in the end after seeing a breastfeeding specialist who assured me that I definitely had enough milk to feed her.
I'm not going to lie, in the first few weeks I cried ALOT. I wanted to give up breastfeeding so badly. I couldn't go out because I had a baby attached to my boob 24/7. I was embarrassed when family members saw my boobs but I had to feed her and I knew I needed to get over this embarrassment.
But it did stop me from going to public places for a while. I fed in the car if we had to go out.
To get through it I set myself goals. I said 3 months, 3 months and I will give up because then at least she has had most of the benefits and she will no longer be a newborn. I was so convinced I would give up but when the time rolled around I had realised it had become a lot easier. So I said 6 months, I can do this for another few months so 6 months is the goal. Once again 6 months came and I wasn't ready to give up, the thought made me emotional. By this point I was feeding in public, discreetly and successfully so life was normal once again and I was still doing the best thing for my baby girl. Now here we are at 11 months and my goal now is to get to 1 year. At a year she can drink Oat milk (recommended by doctors and approved by my heath visitor as a non dairy option). Isla is naturally weaning which is the best. I don't feel guilty because she's more interested in food now but it wouldn't surprise me if I'm still feeding her at night after a year because it's a big comfort to her.
I wanted to share my story with you because not everyone who breastfeeds found it easy and not everyone is a natural. I wasn't at all. Isla had tongue tie, I had anxiety & a bit of depression so it was a very rocky start for us but I promise it gets easier. It actually becomes more convenient than bottle feeding because you don't have to go downstairs and make bottles in the middle of the night, you don't have to sterilise and you never have to panic if you have forgotten the milk. Wherever you are, you will always be able to comfort, feed and hydrate your baby without packing a thing!
My Birth Story and How Hypnobirthing saved me (Hypnobirthing review)
Monday, 17 September 2018
So I finally have my baby girl with me, Isla Jane born 19th July at 5am! My birth did not go to plan, it could have been an awful experience, it certainly wasn't pleasant but it wasn't as horrific as it could have been thanks to hypnobirthing.
At around 30 weeks pregnant I began a hypnobirthing course with Karen at Babies in Waiting - Hockley. Hypnobirthing had always appealed to me because I am a spiritual person, I meditate and I believe in the law of attraction. Hypnobirthing revolves around training your subconscious through a form of meditation. It's about rewiring your brain to think of labour in a positive way.
In our four, two hour sessions we learnt about how relaxing and giving in to surges (contractions) would aid our labour and reduce pain significantly. We learnt how to not even think of labour as painful but rather a natural process our body goes through to give birth to a new life. If we feared it, we would intensify the experience. It all boiled down to the law of attraction. If we thought postively and trusted our bodies to do the right thing and trusted our babies to do what they needed to do we could have a natural, pain relief free birth experience.
The core belief of hypnobirthing is everything should be as natural as possible, your body will give birth when both you and your baby are ready. That meant no sweeps, no internal examinations and definitely NO INDUCTIONS. The aim was to have a low risk birth, having an induction means you are automatically high risk and subjected to countless internal examinations. Having examinations meant your body would tense up which in turn would slow down or stop your labour so this was something I definitely wanted to avoid.
Unfortunately I went overdue and at around 6 days over my due date I went in to hospital for reduced movements. Everything seemed to be fine but the doctors said they wanted to induce me in two days because I was already overdue and they were concerned about the reduced movements. I cried instantly. This was exactly NOT what I wanted, I was heartbroken and scared. At this point I was in slow labour and the heart monitor was picking up my contractions which were 10 minutes apart. I went home and prayed I would give birth naturally before Tuesday (my induction date). For the next two days my contractions intensified but were still irregular. They would keep me up at night despite only being 7 minutes apart. I rung the labour ward hoping I could go in but they told me I was just in early labour. After 2 days and 2 nights of contractions which lead nowhere and no sleep, I was exhausted and did the very thing I told myself I would never do. I went in to hospital for my induction.
By this point I was fed up and wanted my baby here. I really thought an induction would speed things up despite knowing how awful and unnatural they were. And so began the horrible internal examinations.
I was only 1cm dilated despite my intense pain and now almost regular contractions. So over the next 2 days, they gave me both a pessary and then the gel to induce my labour. (They say inductions make contractions extra painful due to your body being forced to contract)
Throughout the experience I kept my hypnobirthing techniques at the forefront of my mind.
'Relaxing your muscles will help your baby move down towards the birth canal, work with your baby' I could here Karen's voice guiding me through the pain.
'Breathe in for 10 seconds and slowly release as you have a surge, ride it like a wave'.
I breathed deeply through the pain, I closed my eyes and I focused on my body working in harmony with my baby instead of focusing on my discomfort.
'Relax all of your senses, keep the lights dim, surround yourself with comforting smells and visualise your baby'.
I covered a towel with lavender oil and placed it across my closed eyes, the scent reminded me of times I have felt the most relaxed. I listened to my meditation playlist through earphones on my phone as I breathed through my contractions and visualised waves and my baby moving through my body, ready to make her debut.
It was so hot in the hospital, the hottest summer on record, so I had a handheld fan from amazon which was a god send. I held it to my face and breathed in the cool air. I knew I had to relax to speed things up, I closed myself off from the outside world while James sat by me every step of the way. Every now and then the midwives would come in to offer me pain relief (which I took) and check up on me. I heard a girl next to me scream hysterically in pain. She had been induced 20 minutes before I had, dread swept over me, I didn't want to be in the same boat as her.
'You are so calm, you're doing so well' the midwives told me over and over. All of the pain relief I recieved made me projectile vomit. I could see sympathy in the midwives eyes when I told her I couldn't have any more morphine because it made me too ill, I was managing the intense pain without any medical relief.
When I finally dilated to 4cm I got sent to the labour ward. I was so excited to get into my private room and create my peaceful environment (no more towel on my head to block out the harsh lighting). James and my mum unpacked my diffuser and essential oils and set it all up, we turned off the lights and played relaxing music through a speaker.
For hours i rocked on a ball, breathing through my contractions which were coming in thick and fast, one after another -back to back. I kept calm, I never screamed, I knew it would do no good. After a whole night in the labour ward, at around 3am they examined me again - I HADN'T DILATED! by this point I had been in hospital for two days and hadn't slept in four whole days, my body was tiring.
'I can't wee' I cried out. I was in so much pain and now I couldn't even empty my bladder properly. I was beginning to lose my mind. The midwife had a word with the doctor and told me she would fit a catheter as they thought my bladder was blocking the way for my baby to descend, I felt like my body was giving up on me.
As each minute passed my contractions intensified, the pain was consuming me. After an hour of waiting to see if things progressed, they examined me again and told me their was still no change and they were now going to induce me again. And that's when I lost it.
'Please can I have a C section - I need a C section, I can't do this anymore, I've been in labour for four days, I can't do it, I'm exhausted, I can't physically do this anymore'
I never thought it would come to this, I never imagined I would end up having major surgery. I hadn't prepared myself for this but I could feel my body giving up on me and both my Mum and James were worried about me, we all agreed it would now be the best thing to do. SO off I went, as high as a kite (gas and air) to the alien biopsy like room ready to be cut open while I was wide awake.
By this point my contractions were back to back, the numbing injection they put into my spine felt like a warm blanket of comfort taking away all of the horrible pain I had been battling for 96 hours. The actual surgery felt like they were just prodding my stomach to see where they needed to make the incision. I hadn't realised they had cut me until they told me they were taking the baby out!
My doctor was amazing, she made me feel safe and she gave me the neatest scar my midwives had seen! At the end of my ordeal my midwife told my mum that she had never had anyone so calm before. I had been her calmest patient so far and she had been the third midwife to say that.
I am so proud of how I held it together and I am so grateful for my hypnobirthing experience with Karen. Her techniques and philosophy saved me mentally which ultimately helped me and my baby physically. Throughout my intense labour, my baby had never become distressed. Although I didn't have the ideal birth experience or the classic hypnobirth experience, I benefited from the course and relied on everything I had learnt to calm my usually anxious brain. It taught me to trust my body, to overcome fear with faith and self belief and to cope with the worst of situations for the sake of my baby. So many people around me kind of patronised me and said 'Shame hypnobirthing didn't work out for you' like they knew it was never going to work, like hypnobirthing was all a load of nonsense. But those people do not understand the depth of hypnobirthing. It worked for me in ways I can never fully explain. It really was my saviour and I would recommend it to every pregnant woman out there.
So to anyone practising hypnobirthing or who is interested in going down that route - Know that even if your birth becomes complicated - hypnobirthing calming techniques works in every situation.
Find more info on Karens course here: http://www.hypnobirthing-in-essex.co.uk/node/146/franchise
x
When to go to the Antenatal Ward
Monday, 2 July 2018
So the Antenatal Triage take you in after 17 weeks of pregnancy. So if you have any issues in regards to your pregnancy, you would go there for an emergency check. Anything minor they tell you to go to your doctors for, but I would always ring them for advice because it's hard to know what is classed as an emergency in pregnancy world.
One thing you hear over and over in pregnancy is to keep track of your babies movements and if they change or reduce, you should tell your midwife. Now I haven't had a community midwife this pregnancy because she has been on leave. So the number I have for her should basically be null and void. If I have had any worries I have rung the antenatal ward for advice, much to their displeasure.
I personally have been up the ward about four times during pregnancy. Three times were for reduced movements and one was for spotting. All times they have hooked the bump up to a heart monitor and have tested my urine (sent it off to the lab) as well as my blood pressure. So they check you more thoroughly than a community midwife or doctor would.
If hadn't gone up there those few times I wouldn't have known I had GBS in my urine which is linked to premature labour. When they find Group B strep in your urine (opposed to just a swab) they like to treat you with antibiotics instantly, I don't know the reasons why but it is obviously a threat to the baby if they feel the need to treat you on the spot. So they gave me antibiotics to take orally for a week. They found GBS in my urine twice, once at 28 weeks and again at 37 weeks but both times I went there for different reasons (nothing to do with Group B Strep). Doctors do not test for group b strep in urine unless you insist, so I felt like everything happened for a reason for me to go down there and have everything checked out because although my other issues were nothing in the end, I did need treatment for something I was unaware of.
Every time I rung them up I contemplated it for ages. 'Am I being a hypochondriac? Probably.' But I never wanted to risk my babies health because I felt a bit embarrassed or felt as though I was an inconvenience. I joined a lot of facebook groups for babies due around the same time as me and a lot of them said DO NOT overthink going in for a check, if you feel like something is off then you are probably right. Some even said they had spates of going in for checks daily. You should never feel like you're being a drama queen because what if your instinct is telling you something is off like it was for me.
So the bottom line is, don't panic throughout your pregnancy but if you do have random moments of feeling like something is off or not quite right, I would recommend calling the antenatal ward. No symptom or lack of movement is overlooked like it could possibly be by a GP. Your local doctors are not trained in pregnancy related issues. I have even had to explain to my GP that if Group B Strep is found in your urine you need antibiotics and NO it does not always flag up as a water infection. They can't seem to wrap their heads around it because generally GBS is not something that is diagnosed or treated for by default. So I have insisted for swabs and samples to be sent off a couple of times because I am not risking anything!
P.S I recommend joining Facebook groups, even the American ones - Mine are 'Babies Due in July 2018' I'm in about 5 different ones and they have really helped my mentality when I've had worries and questions.
Stupid things I've cried about in Pregnancy
Tuesday, 19 June 2018
You haven't experienced the true feeling of hormonal until you've been pregnant. I never really noticed a massive difference in my mood until I found myself crying most days and thought hey this isn't normal. They say the first and last trimester are the worst for this and my god has this been true! During the first trimester I was an insecure mess, fast foward to this last trimester and i'm an angry bitch. I no longer feel insecure - i'm just fed up! So I thought it would be funny to reflect on the things that have angered me or upset me to tears which are actually quite ridiculous.
1. Dreams/ Fear your partner will cheat on you because you're a fat moody whale - The other night I dreamt my partner was cheating on me with a nightclub dancer called Sophie Dowell (yes I invented a full name and instagram profile in my dream). So in my dream I found out he was arranging to meet up with this Sophie and they were messaging over Instagram. I woke up FUMING, thinking it could be real. So I instantly IG searched Sophie Dowell because I obviously thought it was all a sign, and came up with nothing. The nightclub dancer doesn't exist but that didn't stop me from being suspicious and angry for a whole day, I maybe even shed a tear of frustration over a story I had created lol! I now make it a standing joke, if he's on his phone a lot i'm like 'Are you messaging Sophie?' haha.
2. Dreams, again. - I've never been one to sleep talk but during this pregnancy I have woken myself and my partner up by hysterically laughing. It starts off as a unconscious laugh then I become aware that i'm laughing and then I can't stop because I find it so funny that i'm laughing hysterically at nothing and then I start crying because I can't stop and realise i'm actually mental.
3. Situations that haven't happened and probably never will - So i'm an anxious freak, it's a joke how anxious I am. I'm always ready for the worst outcome. So naturally I have made up these horrible scenarios like visitors making my baby dangerously ill because they've visited her with a bug or my baby dying of SIDS because smokers have hugged her and ignored my pleas to keep their clothes smoke free. Or I've imagined that she's taken away from me/ me and my partner separate and she has a step mum and i'm pushed out. I'm not exaggerating when I say I have had full on panic attack crying moments, you know when you can't catch your breath/ make your face swell up, all from living out these scenarios in my head. I suppose it all comes from not feeling in control.
4. Feeling like a handmaid (Handmaids Tale) - Recently I watched the whole Handmaids tale box set and am now up to date with season 2. I'm so susceptible to the emotions and storylines in TV shows, I feel like I have lived their lives. So naturally, I have had moments where I've cried because I feel like a handmaid. 'Will this baby even be mine?'
'Will other people take over, will I even make my own parenting decisions?'
'Will my home and baby be taken over by unannounced or forced visitors?'
'Will I be respected as the mother of this child or am I just a vessel that's creating a baby for other peoples's happiness.' I am DRAMATIC. I cried in the car with my partner the other day and said things like 'She won't even be my baby, you could so easily force me out of the picture, we won't even have the same last name so she will be yours and your family's baby, i'm just the handmaiden'. - how he puts up with my theatrics is beyond me.
5. Driving past anything that relates to animals - It all began with me driving past an animal rescue van going 50mph on a 60mph road. At first I thought FFS hurry up, then I saw the animal rescue sign and imagined all the little animals in the van and thought that's why they're driving slow and then I started balling! Now I cry if I see a horse in a field because I question their happiness (when they're most likely fine), and the other day I got upset over the thought of hamsters being disposable like they aren't respected as actual living things. They have to live in a small cage every day for the rest of their lives and I've heard of so many getting crushed because they've escaped or they've ended up in the washing machine and people don't seem to be horrified?! Oh god here I go again.
So that's a round up of random things that have made me cry during this pregnancy. I am actually mental.
Has anyone else been as mental as me during pregnancy?
-Robyn x
How I Relax During Pregnancy/ Imperial Candles Review
What I absolutely love about this brand is that their products are VEGAN. Not only are their candles made of Soy but none of their products are tested on animals which is bloody amazing. Another fun thing about their candles is that they insert a jewel in every candle, these jewels could be worth up to £2000! So it's like a lucky dip/ treasure hunt and relaxing candle in one. The whole jewel thing makes my inner child so happy, i'm so excited to find out what jewel I have! Go to their website to see what kind of jewels are inside their candles. I've seen some stunning rings!
So my particular candle is called Pink Flamingo. They describe the scent as exotic bamboo and energising grapefruit. Now i'm rubbish at describing scents but what I can tell you is that it smells like a lovely perfume, a classy smell which adds a pleasant atmosphere to the room rather than a tacky sweet smell.
They also do a range of other scent related products like Shower Jelly! I haven't tried it out yet but I have smelt it and it smells just as nice as the candle.
So to round up my review/ relaxing tips and tricks - I recommend filling your space with a good scent and focusing on an activity which calms your mind. For me that's watching a netflix series and being super lazy. Or I attempt a guided meditation, it depends how patient I feel.
Find my candle here: https://www.imperialcandles.co.uk/shop/pink-flamingo/
Also have a browse of their website because I found their products and ideas fascinating!
-Robyn x
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