One thing that I wasn't prepared for about motherhood is feeling like I need to conform to how others think you should parent your own child. I just assumed I would naturally follow the general guidelines and be a 'normal' parent.
They say you should let your baby sleep in the same room as you for atleast 6 months and then you can try and move them to their own room. On the lead up to the 6 month mark, I would look at my perfect little angel sleeping so soundly beside me and feel a deep sadness at the thought of her being all on her own in a cot that looked far too big and cold for her. I fought with the idea that she needs to learn to be on her own because isn't that the right thing to do?
Isn't that what everyone tells you to do?
But my natural instinct wouldn't let me rest when she was out of my sight.
The 6 month mark came and everyone asked me 'when is she going in her own room, are you trying it yet?' and I would squirm with embarrassment at my bad parenting and reply 'no not yet' - like I was somehow failing?
So she continued to sleep next to me and I continued to pamper to her every need through out the night. Blankets come off? No problem babykins I'll tuck you up again. Are you too hot? No problem I will swap your blanket for a thermal one. Are you panicking because you feel alone? Both me and your Daddy are right next to you. I loved how I could comfort her instantly. But with each passing month the comments continued. 'She really need her own space' Someone suggested. But with each passing month I was beginning to understand that actually there is no set way of you should do things. You should go with both your baby and your own natural instinct.
Were babies really left in a different nook of the cave back in the first days of human civilisation? Probably not! We are so quick to dismiss our natural and most basic instincts which is wrong for both mother and child.
Every baby is different and some babies genuinely do want their own space but Isla wasn't that baby. She panics when she feels alone, she opens her eyes to see if we are next to her and then falls back to sleep, she wriggles in discomfort until you touch her. So now instead of feeling embarrassed that I haven't followed the usual regime, I'm proud that I did what was best for MY baby.
Yes that makes my life a bit more difficult. I do have to go to bed when she goes to bed and she only naps in her pushchair when you rock her in the day. But thats OK because it won't be forever. She will only be a baby for a short amount of time so in that time I want to reassure her and go with what SHE wants rather than try to fit her in the same box as what a baby should want and need.
I feel like people don't understand when I say I can't have a late night out. When I have to leave social situations a little earlier than everyone else I feel embarrassed and rude or like I'm making an excuse because aren't 1 year olds supposed to be in their own bed by now?
'Can't you get someone to look after her overnight?
'My parents look after my baby over night, why can't yours?'
Not that anyone says those things but I know they are thinking it, especially the ones without children.
I watched 'The Let Down' on netflix the other day that follows their 1 year olds and one mum said 'She isn't ready to stay anywhere over night yet' and it just resonated with me. She isn't ready.
Isla isn't ready for me to just leave her and nothing on this earth is more important than my baby. I would sacrifice everything for her. SO although I am cringing at the thought of my future social plans and having to leave abruptly early, I am aligning my priorities and putting people pleasing aside, I feel that has to be done ALOT in motherhood.
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