Before I had a child, before I even got pregnant - the thought of breastfeeding cringed me out. I hate how society have twisted our most basic nature by sexualising breasts which were solely designed to keep babies alive and have smothered our instincts so when we see a woman breastfeeding we cringe and look away instead of thinking awww how lovely, what a lovely thing.
I fell in to the bracket of OMG look away she's breastfeeding! I've never been against other people doing it but I have been embarrassed if I've seen somebody do it and I hate that.
During my hypnobirthing course, we went over everything from diet while pregnant to breastfeeding when the baby is here. The way Karen at Babies in Waiting talked about feeding made it seem so special, like it was an honour to feed your child, an amazing bond that only you could ever experience and I fell in love with the idea. I was absolutely amazed to learn of all the benefits it would give my baby girl. How if she was ever ill my body would produce antibodies to help her recover quicker or sometimes prevent an illness entirely while formula can only feed your baby (packed with vitamins but not antibodies). I also knew I would definitely give it a go because 1. My Mum is a big pro breast feeder so I had her support and 2. I am mostly dairy free and do not believe in humans drinking cows milk as like us, their milk is solely designed to feed THEIR offspring. So to give a tiny human milk powder made from milk which is supposed to feed a calf put me off of the idea.
HOWEVER.
While I was in hospital Isla kept crying to the point of midwives coming in to check on us. If I knew then what I know now I wouldn't have been worried as newborns cry all the time, it's normal especially when you're waiting for your milk to come in. It's a whole process which isn't easy but its normal, it's nature. Their cry does something to our bodies, their constant suckling stimulated the milk. It all goes hand in hand. But the midwives insisted that Isla was hungry and that she needed a top up of formula. So I of course did whatever they told me to do. I felt so lost and so misguided. SO for the first few weeks of her life Isla had a bit of formula to top her up. What the midwives failed to tell me, which blows my mind, is that it's very important that the baby doesn't have any other milk as the more they suckle on you the sooner your milk comes in. If they are getting milk from another source your body thinks oh hey the baby isn't hungry anymore, we won't have to produce as much milk. Luckily I was able to give up the formula in the end after seeing a breastfeeding specialist who assured me that I definitely had enough milk to feed her.
I'm not going to lie, in the first few weeks I cried ALOT. I wanted to give up breastfeeding so badly. I couldn't go out because I had a baby attached to my boob 24/7. I was embarrassed when family members saw my boobs but I had to feed her and I knew I needed to get over this embarrassment.
But it did stop me from going to public places for a while. I fed in the car if we had to go out.
To get through it I set myself goals. I said 3 months, 3 months and I will give up because then at least she has had most of the benefits and she will no longer be a newborn. I was so convinced I would give up but when the time rolled around I had realised it had become a lot easier. So I said 6 months, I can do this for another few months so 6 months is the goal. Once again 6 months came and I wasn't ready to give up, the thought made me emotional. By this point I was feeding in public, discreetly and successfully so life was normal once again and I was still doing the best thing for my baby girl. Now here we are at 11 months and my goal now is to get to 1 year. At a year she can drink Oat milk (recommended by doctors and approved by my heath visitor as a non dairy option). Isla is naturally weaning which is the best. I don't feel guilty because she's more interested in food now but it wouldn't surprise me if I'm still feeding her at night after a year because it's a big comfort to her.
I wanted to share my story with you because not everyone who breastfeeds found it easy and not everyone is a natural. I wasn't at all. Isla had tongue tie, I had anxiety & a bit of depression so it was a very rocky start for us but I promise it gets easier. It actually becomes more convenient than bottle feeding because you don't have to go downstairs and make bottles in the middle of the night, you don't have to sterilise and you never have to panic if you have forgotten the milk. Wherever you are, you will always be able to comfort, feed and hydrate your baby without packing a thing!
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