So I finally have my baby girl with me, Isla Jane born 19th July at 5am! My birth did not go to plan, it could have been an awful experience, it certainly wasn't pleasant but it wasn't as horrific as it could have been thanks to hypnobirthing.
At around 30 weeks pregnant I began a hypnobirthing course with Karen at Babies in Waiting - Hockley. Hypnobirthing had always appealed to me because I am a spiritual person, I meditate and I believe in the law of attraction. Hypnobirthing revolves around training your subconscious through a form of meditation. It's about rewiring your brain to think of labour in a positive way.
In our four, two hour sessions we learnt about how relaxing and giving in to surges (contractions) would aid our labour and reduce pain significantly. We learnt how to not even think of labour as painful but rather a natural process our body goes through to give birth to a new life. If we feared it, we would intensify the experience. It all boiled down to the law of attraction. If we thought postively and trusted our bodies to do the right thing and trusted our babies to do what they needed to do we could have a natural, pain relief free birth experience.
The core belief of hypnobirthing is everything should be as natural as possible, your body will give birth when both you and your baby are ready. That meant no sweeps, no internal examinations and definitely NO INDUCTIONS. The aim was to have a low risk birth, having an induction means you are automatically high risk and subjected to countless internal examinations. Having examinations meant your body would tense up which in turn would slow down or stop your labour so this was something I definitely wanted to avoid.
Unfortunately I went overdue and at around 6 days over my due date I went in to hospital for reduced movements. Everything seemed to be fine but the doctors said they wanted to induce me in two days because I was already overdue and they were concerned about the reduced movements. I cried instantly. This was exactly NOT what I wanted, I was heartbroken and scared. At this point I was in slow labour and the heart monitor was picking up my contractions which were 10 minutes apart. I went home and prayed I would give birth naturally before Tuesday (my induction date). For the next two days my contractions intensified but were still irregular. They would keep me up at night despite only being 7 minutes apart. I rung the labour ward hoping I could go in but they told me I was just in early labour. After 2 days and 2 nights of contractions which lead nowhere and no sleep, I was exhausted and did the very thing I told myself I would never do. I went in to hospital for my induction.
By this point I was fed up and wanted my baby here. I really thought an induction would speed things up despite knowing how awful and unnatural they were. And so began the horrible internal examinations.
I was only 1cm dilated despite my intense pain and now almost regular contractions. So over the next 2 days, they gave me both a pessary and then the gel to induce my labour. (They say inductions make contractions extra painful due to your body being forced to contract)
Throughout the experience I kept my hypnobirthing techniques at the forefront of my mind.
'Relaxing your muscles will help your baby move down towards the birth canal, work with your baby' I could here Karen's voice guiding me through the pain.
'Breathe in for 10 seconds and slowly release as you have a surge, ride it like a wave'.
I breathed deeply through the pain, I closed my eyes and I focused on my body working in harmony with my baby instead of focusing on my discomfort.
'Relax all of your senses, keep the lights dim, surround yourself with comforting smells and visualise your baby'.
I covered a towel with lavender oil and placed it across my closed eyes, the scent reminded me of times I have felt the most relaxed. I listened to my meditation playlist through earphones on my phone as I breathed through my contractions and visualised waves and my baby moving through my body, ready to make her debut.
It was so hot in the hospital, the hottest summer on record, so I had a handheld fan from amazon which was a god send. I held it to my face and breathed in the cool air. I knew I had to relax to speed things up, I closed myself off from the outside world while James sat by me every step of the way. Every now and then the midwives would come in to offer me pain relief (which I took) and check up on me. I heard a girl next to me scream hysterically in pain. She had been induced 20 minutes before I had, dread swept over me, I didn't want to be in the same boat as her.
'You are so calm, you're doing so well' the midwives told me over and over. All of the pain relief I recieved made me projectile vomit. I could see sympathy in the midwives eyes when I told her I couldn't have any more morphine because it made me too ill, I was managing the intense pain without any medical relief.
When I finally dilated to 4cm I got sent to the labour ward. I was so excited to get into my private room and create my peaceful environment (no more towel on my head to block out the harsh lighting). James and my mum unpacked my diffuser and essential oils and set it all up, we turned off the lights and played relaxing music through a speaker.
For hours i rocked on a ball, breathing through my contractions which were coming in thick and fast, one after another -back to back. I kept calm, I never screamed, I knew it would do no good. After a whole night in the labour ward, at around 3am they examined me again - I HADN'T DILATED! by this point I had been in hospital for two days and hadn't slept in four whole days, my body was tiring.
'I can't wee' I cried out. I was in so much pain and now I couldn't even empty my bladder properly. I was beginning to lose my mind. The midwife had a word with the doctor and told me she would fit a catheter as they thought my bladder was blocking the way for my baby to descend, I felt like my body was giving up on me.
As each minute passed my contractions intensified, the pain was consuming me. After an hour of waiting to see if things progressed, they examined me again and told me their was still no change and they were now going to induce me again. And that's when I lost it.
'Please can I have a C section - I need a C section, I can't do this anymore, I've been in labour for four days, I can't do it, I'm exhausted, I can't physically do this anymore'
I never thought it would come to this, I never imagined I would end up having major surgery. I hadn't prepared myself for this but I could feel my body giving up on me and both my Mum and James were worried about me, we all agreed it would now be the best thing to do. SO off I went, as high as a kite (gas and air) to the alien biopsy like room ready to be cut open while I was wide awake.
By this point my contractions were back to back, the numbing injection they put into my spine felt like a warm blanket of comfort taking away all of the horrible pain I had been battling for 96 hours. The actual surgery felt like they were just prodding my stomach to see where they needed to make the incision. I hadn't realised they had cut me until they told me they were taking the baby out!
My doctor was amazing, she made me feel safe and she gave me the neatest scar my midwives had seen! At the end of my ordeal my midwife told my mum that she had never had anyone so calm before. I had been her calmest patient so far and she had been the third midwife to say that.
I am so proud of how I held it together and I am so grateful for my hypnobirthing experience with Karen. Her techniques and philosophy saved me mentally which ultimately helped me and my baby physically. Throughout my intense labour, my baby had never become distressed. Although I didn't have the ideal birth experience or the classic hypnobirth experience, I benefited from the course and relied on everything I had learnt to calm my usually anxious brain. It taught me to trust my body, to overcome fear with faith and self belief and to cope with the worst of situations for the sake of my baby. So many people around me kind of patronised me and said 'Shame hypnobirthing didn't work out for you' like they knew it was never going to work, like hypnobirthing was all a load of nonsense. But those people do not understand the depth of hypnobirthing. It worked for me in ways I can never fully explain. It really was my saviour and I would recommend it to every pregnant woman out there.
So to anyone practising hypnobirthing or who is interested in going down that route - Know that even if your birth becomes complicated - hypnobirthing calming techniques works in every situation.
Find more info on Karens course here: http://www.hypnobirthing-in-essex.co.uk/node/146/franchise
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