You haven't experienced the true feeling of hormonal until you've been pregnant. I never really noticed a massive difference in my mood until I found myself crying most days and thought hey this isn't normal. They say the first and last trimester are the worst for this and my god has this been true! During the first trimester I was an insecure mess, fast foward to this last trimester and i'm an angry bitch. I no longer feel insecure - i'm just fed up! So I thought it would be funny to reflect on the things that have angered me or upset me to tears which are actually quite ridiculous.
1. Dreams/ Fear your partner will cheat on you because you're a fat moody whale - The other night I dreamt my partner was cheating on me with a nightclub dancer called Sophie Dowell (yes I invented a full name and instagram profile in my dream). So in my dream I found out he was arranging to meet up with this Sophie and they were messaging over Instagram. I woke up FUMING, thinking it could be real. So I instantly IG searched Sophie Dowell because I obviously thought it was all a sign, and came up with nothing. The nightclub dancer doesn't exist but that didn't stop me from being suspicious and angry for a whole day, I maybe even shed a tear of frustration over a story I had created lol! I now make it a standing joke, if he's on his phone a lot i'm like 'Are you messaging Sophie?' haha.
2. Dreams, again. - I've never been one to sleep talk but during this pregnancy I have woken myself and my partner up by hysterically laughing. It starts off as a unconscious laugh then I become aware that i'm laughing and then I can't stop because I find it so funny that i'm laughing hysterically at nothing and then I start crying because I can't stop and realise i'm actually mental.
3. Situations that haven't happened and probably never will - So i'm an anxious freak, it's a joke how anxious I am. I'm always ready for the worst outcome. So naturally I have made up these horrible scenarios like visitors making my baby dangerously ill because they've visited her with a bug or my baby dying of SIDS because smokers have hugged her and ignored my pleas to keep their clothes smoke free. Or I've imagined that she's taken away from me/ me and my partner separate and she has a step mum and i'm pushed out. I'm not exaggerating when I say I have had full on panic attack crying moments, you know when you can't catch your breath/ make your face swell up, all from living out these scenarios in my head. I suppose it all comes from not feeling in control.
4. Feeling like a handmaid (Handmaids Tale) - Recently I watched the whole Handmaids tale box set and am now up to date with season 2. I'm so susceptible to the emotions and storylines in TV shows, I feel like I have lived their lives. So naturally, I have had moments where I've cried because I feel like a handmaid. 'Will this baby even be mine?'
'Will other people take over, will I even make my own parenting decisions?'
'Will my home and baby be taken over by unannounced or forced visitors?'
'Will I be respected as the mother of this child or am I just a vessel that's creating a baby for other peoples's happiness.' I am DRAMATIC. I cried in the car with my partner the other day and said things like 'She won't even be my baby, you could so easily force me out of the picture, we won't even have the same last name so she will be yours and your family's baby, i'm just the handmaiden'. - how he puts up with my theatrics is beyond me.
5. Driving past anything that relates to animals - It all began with me driving past an animal rescue van going 50mph on a 60mph road. At first I thought FFS hurry up, then I saw the animal rescue sign and imagined all the little animals in the van and thought that's why they're driving slow and then I started balling! Now I cry if I see a horse in a field because I question their happiness (when they're most likely fine), and the other day I got upset over the thought of hamsters being disposable like they aren't respected as actual living things. They have to live in a small cage every day for the rest of their lives and I've heard of so many getting crushed because they've escaped or they've ended up in the washing machine and people don't seem to be horrified?! Oh god here I go again.
So that's a round up of random things that have made me cry during this pregnancy. I am actually mental.
Has anyone else been as mental as me during pregnancy?
-Robyn x
